My Online Realm

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Turning in my Gamer Card

Gamer CardI think it’s time to finally turn in my Gamer Card.  I don’t think I can call myself a Gamer anymore.  I’ve spent the last 2 years or so struggling to find a game I want to play.  Quitting and starting new and old games.  There is just no joy left in it for me.  Especially since all my previous gamer friends have moved on as well.

It was such a blast to play games.  At first it was fun to try new games.  Then when I started to play games with friends and with my children, that’s when it became an absolute, mind blowing, time of my life experience.  Playing Unreal Tournament and Carmageddon 2 against my family across the house.  Sitting watching my kids play Grand Theft Auto for hours on end.  Days and weeks spent with friends online fighting horrifically huge monsters go get the loot.  The loot though paled in comparison to the hilarious adventures trying to overcome the challenges.  Things most serious players never really like to do.  For them it’s do it right the first try or rage quit.  We, however, would spend countless hours dying and trying again and laughing it up.

I guess it’s time to move on though.  I can’t really say, time to grow up.  We are the Gamer generation.  Playing games on a tablet or phone is nothing compared to gaming on a PC or console.  I always thought I’d still be doing dungeons and raids while in retirement.  But the games have changed, the friends are gone.  I’ve gotten to know some amazing people along the way.  Some who have overcome life threatening medical problems, doctors and even good old rednecks.  Some of them from overseas.  Memories I’ll cherish forever.

Without them, it’s a very boring lonely place.  Even in a virtual world filled with other players to choose from.  I can’t log on anymore without being bored within a few minutes.  While I will never totally stop playing games, I won’t play them all that much anymore.  I can’t be called a Gamer anymore either.  Now I’m just a Geek.  A proud Geek, but a Geek none-the-less.

As I’ve said before, I was Geek long before it was cool.


What to do? What to do..

ThinkingHere’s that familiar limbo I go through every few months or so.  I love playing online games on my PC.  Though I can’t seem to find joy in the games I have.  I’m forever stuck in “the games I once loved” mode.  Every MMORPG game I find, is either on the new microtransaction system, or has changed the game play so much that you spend an eternity lost in trying to work it.  Microtransactions have murdered any good time you can have in a game.  If you don’t want to spend the money, you don’t get to have the fun.  In every single game I have ever tried that has the microtransaction payment system sucks unless you pony up the dough.  Usually costing more than $15 per month.  Let’s not talk about the time I spent $1100 in one year to play one of those ?

Sheep FFXIVIt’s actually hard to find a subscription game now.  Even harder when you don’t want it vomiting up anime-dayglow.  Take your Kon’nichiwa and shove it up your Kōmon.  I tried playing Final Fantasy XIV for maybe 6 hours total before I wanted to throw up.  I mean seriously, sheep that look like cotton candy?

There are games that are pay once and no subscription or microtransactions.  Possibly limited microtransactions that do not affect the game play are acceptable.  Basically called Buy to Play.  Though I’ve tried Guild Wars and Guild Wars 2.  Neither tickled my fancy.  I’m currently waiting for Elder Scrolls Online to go on sale on Steam.  That way if I don’t like it, I won’t cry too terribly hard.

Why am I not playing World of Warcraft?  Honestly I’d like to continue playing it.  I just really miss how it used to be.  I love the new graphics, hate the new game play.  Tired of new skill trees on every single expansion.  Tired of leveling up crafting skills in different methods.  New useless activities like Archeology.  Even though they make things easier, they also make it harder.  You no longer have your friends help you learn to play in Dungeons or Raids.  You use tutorials.  They call them Proving Grounds.  Of course I hear they are going away, which of course is pissing off players who take the game far too seriously.  Really?  You need to pass a test and an interview to play games now?  WTF?  Whatever happened to hilarity of trying and failing but having friends who will pick you up and make you stronger?  I miss those days.  I really, really do.  Then there is flying in new expansions.  It is so controversial now.  It’s to the point you don’t enjoy the reward for the work you put in just so you can have it.

I miss the World of Warcraft of yesterday so much.  Nostalrius has the right idea and a damned good one at that.  He ran a Vanilla Warcraft server.  True to it’s origins.  Available to players so they can enjoy the game when they loved it most.  Even better would be a series of servers for each expansion.  (Burning Crusades, Wrath of the Lich King, Cataclysm, Mists of Pandaria [for the panda lovers] and so on)  I have very seriously considered playing on Warmane servers.  Though I can’t confirm the legitimacy of their payment system and they offer up increased gold and experience.  I would rather play it as it was meant to be played.  Untouched or unmodified.  However, even if they are on the up and up, it’s only a matter of time before they get hacked or shut down by Blizzard like Nostalrius was.

Many of the new games that aren’t anime on overload, don’t look all that pretty to me.  Seriously.  I guess I love the bright colors and upbeat models.  See for yourself.

Call me a weenie, but I also prefer good old fashioned “tab-targeting“.  Most newer games, like Elder Scrolls Online have adopted “crosshair targeting”.  I’m getting old and don’t move as quick as I used too.  Though I might still be able to kick your ass in the classic Unreal Tournament 😛

So you see, my range of choices are incredibly thin.  Because I want:

  • A Monthly Subscription or Buy to Play
  • Is more Western and not Asian looking
  • Is based in Fantasy (Dragons and such)
  • Would really prefer mounts, especially if they can fly
  • Has tab-targeting

There is one more thing.  Darla has expressed interest in playing games with me.  Although she’s not a computer geek like myself.  So a game that would be easier to learn and not so involved would be nice.  Perhaps limited in the number of skills needed to remember would be good.

Thus my hunt continues.  I’d even be open to non-MMO’s, such as a co-op game.  I hear Fable III might be a good choice.  ?



HourglassApparently there is a handful of people who think I have nothing to do all day.  It’s starting to get on my nerves.  I even had a lady at the pharmacy outright tell me in not so many words, that I was an unemployed bum.  I quickly corrected her to know that I work more than 40 hours per week between two jobs.  As well as in not so many words to kiss my ass.

I don’t know how many of you have two jobs, but if you do, you know that working two jobs takes up more time than one full time job.  As you work, then you’re off for a couple of hours in between then go to the other job.  It’s hard to get a decent night sleep let alone do things like house hunt, do laundry and grocery shop.  Many nights you want to unwind for an hour and then go to bed just to start it all over again.  I’m so happy that I’ve shaved two hours of my days off by finding a local job.  That hour drive each way was wearing thin.  Not too mention the monthly oil change due to all the miles that puts on.

Sadly I may not have as much time as I’d like in this world.  When your cardiologist tells you after your third stent is surgically placed, “You might have 2 years, you might have 20 years.”  You tend to try to enjoy the time you have.  Which hasn’t worked out as well as I had hoped, but dammit I’m trying.  This is why I came back home.  I realized I wanted time with my family.  Namely my two sons who I hadn’t seen much of while I lived in Virginia.

Major bonus is the fact my first High School sweetheart and I got back together and are getting married.  She is fully aware of my health and accepts it.  She also plans on helping me eat healthier and work off the rest of the weight I want to lose.  Hasn’t been easy in the situation I’m in to eat healthy.  Long story of not wanting to explain that one.

Soon Darla and I will be in our own place and things like that can start getting back on track.

This upcoming event of us having our own place and our wedding is becoming frustrating due to outside pressures.  It seems there are some people who have decided that we should have everything planned by now and that I should somehow have a place already set aside for us to live in.  I’m not sure what world they live in.  It’s certainly not the real one.

For one, our wedding is many months away.  We have no clue how many people want to come as they have yet to let us know.  Why?  Because it’s months away and they don’t know themselves if they can come.  We don’t know if the weather will play nice, so we aren’t sure if we are going with plan a)  Carroll Park or plan b) the Christian Assembly Church.  Also this pot-luck thing is a topic of discussion.  It’s simple, we don’t money, can’t afford catering.  Don’t like it?  Don’t come.  Simple answer.  Also it’s not unheard of.  Try using your favorite search engine and looking it up.

Speaking of money, it takes time to save up for a wedding.  Especially after we spend it all moving and on expensive medications.  Which brings me to the part of getting a place to live.  We want this to happen soon.  But…  Finding an affordable place isn’t turning out easy.  We make too much for assisted apartments it seems.  But most places that are near town are more than we can afford on a monthly basis.  Yet some think I should have found a place and had it reserved by now.  I don’t know about you, but most people wanting to rent a place want it filled now.  Not wait a month or two while we come up with the money.

</end rant>


2013 and Beyond…

2013The new year is almost upon us.  The Mayan Apocalypse, just like so many “end of the world” threats before it, was nothing more than media hype as always.  I think at one point or another, I just stopped caring if the world would’ve ended on the 21st.  Well… That was a few months ago I felt that way.  I don’t feel that way now.

The past two years have been a hellacious torment in one form or another.  Between my marriage falling apart, being unhappy where I live, nearly dying and struggling constantly to keep my head above water has taken it’s toll on my soul.  Having nearly no friends in the area, it has felt like I’ve been isolated from everything and everyone.  It’s been very cold for having to live in this personal hell of mine.

If it weren’t for my oldest daughter’s kindness and my mother, I don’t honestly know where I would be right now.  If I would be at all.  Granted, my current situation isn’t by any means pleasant.  It is bearable at least.

HeartIt’s time to put that all behind me now and look to the future.  While the number 13 isn’t usually anyone’s lucky number.  I’m going to make it my lucky number.  I’ve worked damned hard to get myself back together over the past 10 months.  I’m exercising regularly and even though I constantly live in a small amount of pain and discomfort, I will continue to get better.  I sadly did not make my goal by Christmas of being under 300 pounds, but I’m damned close.  I will be under it soon.  I wish to get to 220 as a final goal and even then, I won’t stop walking and keeping active.  I plan to live for at least 10 more years if I can swing it.  More if possible.

2013 is also the year I’m going home to Michigan.  Perhaps not my home town, but at least close by.  My sons live in East Jordan, so somewhere near there with a job.  Perhaps Charlevoix or Petoskey, maybe even Boyne City or Boyne Falls area.  All are very close and I know them well.  My friends who live there as well as my family are waiting for me.  I’m way past due for this.  I won’t forget the family I have here, even though I’m no longer a part of the marriage that made them my family.  In my heart they will always be family no matter what.  Nor will I forget my one and only friend who lives here and has also been my Chiropractor for many years.

I also have a love interest that I’ve been working on for the past few months.  I’m hoping it will turn into something official soon.  More on that to come later 😉

Sandstone DrakeSadly, since I still have a lot of time on my hands, I haven’t given up my gaming addiction completely, and I may never actually do so as I enjoy it.  However, I have cut way down on the amount of time I spend killing dragons.  I tried to give up World of Warcraft, I just can’t.  I enjoy it too much.  Even if there’s freaking panda bears everywhere….  I can sum it up in two words.  FLYING MOUNTS!!!

I officially restarted my account on Christmas Day.  I was just so freaking bored sitting at home.  Minecraft is cool and all, but I’ve gotta have my flying mounts and I love my Azeroth.  I just limit myself to an hour or two a day.  It’s enough to get a few things accomplished.  Then it’s back to the real world 🙂

One final note, as per usual, I have created a new look to my website for the new year.  It’s a bit dark.  It sort of represents my travels through the darkness these past two years.  While it’s now time to step back into the light, I just have a thing for Black and Gold.  If you can’t see the new site, because you are on your mobile, set your browser to ask for the Desktop version.  (just don’t forget to set it back when you’re done admiring 🙂 )


I wish I had a time machine…

TARDISThose are words you might hear me say just about every day.  I’m a horribly nostalgic person.  It even annoys me that I say it so much.  Though I just can’t help but to want to relive some of the best times in my life over again.  That and I had to find a reason to show off my love of Doctor Who.  Although a TARDIS wouldn’t allow me become younger again….

I could easily relive the decade of the 1980‘s all over again.  However, today I find myself only wanting to go back to just a few years ago.  I’m feeling the need to enjoy the company, friendship and good times of when myself and all my new found gamer friends came together.  (Nick, Paul, Adele, Tyler, Aura, Tuvi, Charles, Jeff and Peter to name a few.)

Last Chaos Demon PartyWe started in a game was called Last Chaos.  Even though it wasn’t really much of an MMO by anyone’s standards as far as game play goes.  When we started playing it, it had no dungeons, no instances, crap character selection and horrible glitches.  Plus it was the most god awful micropayment ripoff setup in the world.  Yet we had some of the best times of our lives.

We didn’t care much about the flaws.  We had our friends.  Spanning from the Mid West, to Texas east and west coasts of the country and several friends from the U.K.  It was a time when we were eager to get home from work and log on to spend time with them.  Didn’t matter what we did.  Even if we decided to do nothing at all and just hang around the PVP arena all evening.  When we managed to get to what seems like end content at the time.  Demon parties, Ghost parties (references only a Last Chaos player from the original days [before they fucked up the game play completely] would recognize) to the endless drama filled Castle Sieges and parties down in Theos’ Tomb.  The Guild events we’d come up with, the laughs, the times of seeing just how much trouble we could cause just because we had nothing better to do.  We even hosted protests against the “Game Masters” just to piss them off.  We could’ve received the good old perma-ban for it too.  We didn’t care at all, because no matter what, we had each other.

It only lasted a couple of years.  From there we started to part ways.  Some friends went on to games I didn’t much care for, but at least I tried them out.  Others friends, I stuck with tightly through Runes of Magic (until they too became greedy bastards) and World of Warcraft with right up until everything fell apart in my world.  I still talk to all of them.  Not as much as I’d like too.  Either through Skype, IM, Email, Text and sometimes I still get on Vent.

Even though the end was a painful experience, I wish I could go back and do it again.  I miss you guys…


30% Weight Loss

I haven’t written about this in a while.  My posts have been mostly focused on life events, my usual rants, future plans and reminiscing.  I assure you, I’m still doing my daily walks.  I am actively loosing weight and I’m happy to report I am 30% of my over all goal closer.

I’m going to post here what I’ve been hiding as it was embarrassing.  Still is, but dammit, I think it will only drive me harder to be this much more honest.  If to anyone, to myself.

When I started walking, I was an embarrassingly fat man who was on the scales for 360 pounds.  As of yesterday I am now down to 318lbs.  I’m not done, and I’m not nearly close to my target weight.  My short term goal is to be under 300 come Christmas.

I’m not doing 3 miles a day like I was doing.  For some reason, since my 3 heart attacks in February, I’ve only gotten up to 2 miles a day.  Not sure if it was the high blood pressure that had me going further or if I have just been weakened that much.  True, I unfortunately put on some weight after the hospital stay as I could hardly walk down the drive way.  (It’s roughly 1/5th of a mile long.)  Now I am back on track and feeling better than ever.  In so much, that I took on a second job slinging pizzas for Dominos to help save up to move next spring to Michigan.  It’s not because of their pizza. Haven’t been a fan of their stuff in many years.  Some of it is down right unhealthy.  (it’s coming and it’s scary bad for you)

Besides walking, I’ve also done the following and it’s helped out greatly (the only exceptions I allow myself is when I go out to eat):

  • Stopped using Mayonnaise and Miracle Whip (period, none, not even the light or fat free versions which are gross)
  • Replaced Hamburgers with Morning Star Farms Vegi-Burgers (various flavors)
  • Eat Yogurt and not Ice Cream (save for special occasions)
  • Turkey based meats (Oscar Meyers has a killer Turkey Polish Sausage)
  • Low Fat / Low Sodium sandwich meats
  • NO FRIED FOODS!!! – Baked or Boiled ONLY!!
  • Lowered food portions (not a lot, but I try not to get “full”, just “satisfied”)
  • Get away from the TV and Computer and do something whenever possible (not a cheap option sometimes)
  • Walking Daily (going through shoes at an alarming rate though)

I’ve tried some of the fake foods like imitation eggs and such, but they literally turn my stomach.  Sometimes it’s hard to go walking when it’s 100 degrees outside or really cold out.  Those days I just keep myself as busy as possible.  I still love my relaxing down time too, just don’t allow myself as much as I once did.  What makes me the most happy, is I haven’t resorted to surgery or special diet plans by someone named Jenny, Jerad or Vinnie or who the hell ever.


Apologies to My Gamer Friends

Sorry I haven’t been around the past few weeks.  I feel bad about it, but I have things that are keeping me from playing these days.  I’ve started working a second job again, now that I have wheels.  Saving up to go home as you may have already read.

It’s not only that.  I just don’t feel like sitting in front of a PC for hours on end like I used too.  I’m actually getting out and about.  I’m now below the weight I was just before my heart attacks.  Which is making me want to do more.  So when I’m not working, I’m out walking.  I don’t even like sitting at my desk at work all day anymore.  I’d rather be up and moving.  It’s a good feeling that I’m finally getting some of my old life back.  I doubt I’ll ever get into 29 inch pants again.  I however, hope to only have to shop at the Big & Tall stores someday because I’ll just be tall.

Plus with all that I’ve been through, I look back and think I really wasted time I could’ve used to do what I’m doing now.  Instead I feel like I threw the last 5 years of my life away.  I’ve made good friends like you, but I could’ve spent that time perhaps avoiding this past February, or this past year of crappy events all together.  Should’ve dealt with it all years ago.

I do plan on sitting down on occasion and chatting via vent with you all.  I’m not so sure I’ll be doing any MMO gaming for a while though.  Seems I can hardly sit through a 10 minute Unreal Tournament match.  All of you are welcome to email me, text or call me anytime you like 🙂  You can even (God forbid), add me on Facebook.


I miss going to the movies…

Being single sucks.  While I don’t wish to define myself based off of who I share my time with.  I simply don’t like being alone.  You see, I moved from my home town in Michigan to here in Virginia to take a job at Gateway in 1999.  Though it was motivated heavily by the fact that I had started a relationship with someone I knew here as well.  A few months later, we got married.  However, I made one major mistake during the past 13 years.  It was that I came home to the wife and kids every night.  I was content with it.  Though, I never made any friends in the area by doing so.

This also makes doing things that I love to do, no fun at all.  I’d so much rather share doing the things I love with someone.  Even if just a friend.  Though most of the things I love doing, generally are much better when it’s romantically shared on some level or other.

Such as:

  • Going for coffee.
  • Eating out.
  • Taking long walks to watch the sunset or listen to the tide roll in. (especially in fall or spring – summer is way to effing hot here).
  • Or sneaking into a private lake, after closing.  To stand on the small dock and … 🙂
  • Going for Ice Cream.
  • Shopping (as you know I hate doing that alone most of all – since I generally hate shopping, someone helps make the time go by).
  • Even just relaxing at home snuggling watching T.V. or playing games.
  • Most of all, going to the movies.

I’m a huge movie buff.  While I do enjoy sitting down and snuggling up on the couch to watch a favorite flick.  I tend to enjoy going out to the movie theater.  I love the atmosphere, the smell of the popcorn and sometimes the reaction of the other goers when something exciting or scary happens.  I especially love to hold someone’s hand, or depending on the theater, give them a leg or even a foot massage under the table (love me the Movie Tavern setup for being able to do that).

I don’t even let it bother me that going out for a movie is rather expensive.  To me, it’s worth it.  This past summer I’ve skipped watching anything new just because I have no one to go with.  Sadly, my job puts me in a position where I have no real interaction with people except over the phone.  The company I work for is very small.  The only pseudo friend I had there, has moved on.  All my other friends live in different parts of the world (Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Kansas, Ohio, New York, England and so on).  So they can’t go either.

Starting over, just sucks.


Reboot Button

If your life could have a reboot button, like the one in this Foamy Cartoon, would you use it?

Many, many times I have sat and wished I had done things differently.  Taken better care of my health, made different choices concerning relationships, career choices and many, many more.  In short would I use a reboot button?  Hell Yeah!


It fills the time…

Flying MachineSo Thursday came and went.  Like so many days and nights lately, I’ve had little better to do.  God that sounds depressing.  It’s not really, but things are in flux in my life.  My relationship is ending but with so many things still hanging with no resolution, we both are staying in the same house until they can be resolved or at least put into a decent perspective.

Thus I’m not in a position to go out and spend money to have a drink.  I certainly am not in the mood to meet anyone for more than friendship right now.  So with that budget in mind, I am hanging close to home and doing what I can to fill the time.  So with WoW I shall stay for a bit.  It’s much cheaper than going out and while most of my online friends are out doing summer things with their family and friends, this leaves me to chill.  I’ve been calling my sons a bit lately and hanging out with my Mom from time to time.

Besides, I’m still very much loving WoW and have finally built my first major Engineering piece on my Mage (Hythlodaeus).  As pictured, his very first Flying Machine!  Sadly he’s only level 55, so he can’t use it yet.

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