It felt so weird getting up Monday morning and not checking for updated software. Not clocking in and doing tech support. I’ve done it for so long. It is such an embedded habit to do. That’s all it had become over the years. A habit. It wasn’t a job anymore. It was just something I did. Day after day, year after year. It’s only been a few days since the change. Yet each morning I feel this urge to check for updated software, and want to start my day as I have for 14 years.
Instead it’s hard to get motivated, because I don’t start my new job until 11am. The first 4 days of the week are rough because it’s from 11am to 8pm (one is noon to 9pm). Makes for a very long day. Then I have one short day from 5pm to 11pm. Hard to really get anything done on the long days. I’ll get home and all I will want to do is relax.
It’s going to take weeks to determine if I made a good decision. Especially since I started in the slow season. Then again, my history of decision making over the past three decades has been less than positive overall. I’m getting too old to keep fighting so hard to make things work. Would just be nice for a change for things to just work out.
I’m also worried about Christmas again this year. In about a month I’ll be living alone again. Which means I’ll be spending everything I make to keep the rent paid, and the heat and lights going. I’d advertise for a roommate, but I will only have 3 months left on the lease. Can’t ask someone to move for just 3 months. At this point I don’t know if I’ll be renewing it. Not that I want to move in the winter. But a previous situation changed the lease from June to February. All I can say is it wasn’t my doing. No one in their right mind would want to start a lease in the winter.
I’m about to do something very scary. I’m about to quit my day job. As well as my current night job, but I’m not upset about that. It’s not because Widomaker did something to upset me. Actually, this has been a long time coming, but I’ve never taken that leap until now. It is just hard to say goodbye to something I’ve had for so very long. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and into the unknown.
I’ve worked for Widomaker since the day after Hurricane Isabel hit Virginia in September 2003. Driving around downed power lines, closed roads and fallen trees just to get to work. My first day wasn’t so much about tech support as it was babysitting generators and making sure they always had gas in them. I’ve had a lot of fun and learning in my 14 years there.
Both the original owner and the current owner have treated me very well. I appreciate when things got hard on my health I was allowed to work from home 1000 miles away. Though about a year after I came back to Michigan, my hours were cut in half. I had to find a part time job to make up the other half. Three and a half years later, working two jobs has sometimes been very challenging. Sometimes never having much time off. Rushing from the day job to the night job because someone called out. Working 50, 60 and sometimes more hours every week.
For the past two plus years, I had always kept an eye out for a full time job. I had hoped for one that I enjoy, but also had benefits. I’m still looking for that. Between having been burnt out on doing tech support for a very long time and this recent issue of my night job not being what I wanted. I found a single full time job. It’s doing driving for the other pizza place in town. It’s a much larger chain than the “corporate” one I’m leaving. They currently have over 400 stores in 20 states. {insert bitch slap here} I’ll be averaging 38 to 42 hours a week. Possibly more. No benefits though. I have VA Benefits for health. Dental I’ll have to find on my own. I do vision out of pocket. Walmart is affordable and does a decent job on my glasses. I have accepted that I’ll never be able to retire a long time ago. Though living to retirement age would be a good goal.
Widomaker has been great. Though these days I cringe every time the phone rings. People don’t appreciate the help they get and treat us as a necessary nuisance. They are angry and generally inconsolable. They don’t listen. They won’t follow directions. They ask for impossible things. They expect things that just insane.
I wish this was a complete farce, but frankly these calls do happen.
Color me fooled. We talked at length during my interview with my current night job. At no point was it ever said, “We aren’t looking for drivers.”. Or anything similar to that statement. The only thing the manager said was, “You know driving isn’t all that a driver does right?”. No kidding. I’ve done this job on and off for over 30 years at many different places. Papa Johns (x3), Domino’s (x3), Chanello’s, Pizza Tonight, some small chain in Petoskey that’s no longer there and this place (x2). That was on my application. So yeah I know I will also have to take and make orders. Prep food and clean. It’s not my first run at this rodeo. Nor was it said we need mid-day and morning people.
I also put on my application I am available to work nights and weekends. That I work a day job. All this was clear. I even explained in person that I was looking for 3 – 4 nights. Something like 4 or 5pm until close. Which would give me 20 – 25 hours per week. This manager however lives in an alternate reality. The past two weeks I’ve been coming in at 1pm. I figured it was for “training”. So I’ve been rushing from the day job to the night job. I thought this would change after the first two weeks.
When I looked at the new schedule, it was all 1pm shifts except one. It was for 9am. So immediately I queried about this. Get this, they asked me to change my day shift schedule to fit theirs. Not happening. Homie is pissed. On top of that, I’ve only taken a handful of deliveries since I started there. Turns out I’m not a driver, but listed as one when they need someone to pick up the deliveries other drivers can’t handle on busy nights. Oh yeah, let’s also mention I’ve been generally working from 1pm to 8pm or 11pm. I’m likely to get overtime. But standing on my knee for all those hours, hurts like hell.
So I, as politely as I could, said no. I won’t switch my day job schedule. I re-explained what I applied for. So now it’s 5pm to whenever a few nights a week. Still doesn’t fix the fact I’m not actually a driver. What I applied to be. I have never applied for a job before to be something other than what I applied. I didn’t hire in at my day job to be a janitor. I am a tech. What I applied for. Never have I applied to a pizza place to be an inside person. I’ve always asked to be a driver. I enjoy it. Time to find a new job. Even if it’s out of town again I guess.
Well I can’t say much about it or be specific. NDA, hush-hush, super secret society bullshit. Let’s just say I’ve worked at this company before. They like to think of themselves as a big deal. Whatever, they have a handful of stores. The last chain I worked for had more stores than these folks have. They weren’t all hoity toity about it. Just as a comparison, this place is almost 30 years old. They have a little over 30 stores. That’s just over 1 store per year. I worked for Domino’s and in 30 years they celebrated their 1000th store opening. Now that’s a big deal. For all their talk and manuals, a lot of the “rules” aren’t followed as strictly as they would like.
As I dig into the trenches, the crew is fairly decent. They like to have fun and so far none of them have been a problem to work with. They do work. A lot… Saturday I worked 10 hours with no breaks. It was balls to the wall most of the time. The only down side is in the first week I didn’t take many deliveries. Hopefully once training is over, I get behind the wheel every time I work. I didn’t hire in to be an inside person. If they are thinking differently, I’ll move on quickly.
I still wear a knee brace, though more for stability now than anything else. Several hours straight on my legs hurts like hell. I’m not about to put myself back in medical care for that.
It’s not a bad job though, but I’d rather be back at Mancino’s. That’s just not an option at the moment. If I move more North Western as I want to do eventually. Perhaps I can grab a job at Mancino’s in Petoskey or perhaps the Jets. They also have more pizza places up there. Though Boyne City is also looking like a nice place to land as well. Anything to get me out of Gaylord. We don’t just live in the snow belt. We live in the fucking buckle. Prized to having more snow than any other Michigan town in the lower peninsula. Go in any direction out of town during winter and you can watch the level of snow go down greatly. The year I did delivery in Petoskey, we’d have 2-3 feet of snow but get by Larry’s Bar and the snow was almost gone completely. I’m all for less snow.
Before I got injured, I was seriously considering making Mancino’s my full time job when my day job eventually goes away for whatever reason. I really was. I enjoyed working at Mancino’s. Most of the crew was nice and fun. I loved most of our customers and I’ll miss them.
Since I’ve been cleared to go back to work, it’s been nothing short of an epic struggle to get any kind of hours. During the last week of August, I was scheduled 5 measly hours. That’s it. I had two weeks of good hours out of the past five weeks. Another week, I only had 4 hours. One week I had absolutely no hours at all. I can’t live off of that. Let alone pay my new debt to the insurance company that screwed me during the Workmen’s Comp time I had.
Do you know how I got injured? I was called in to work on my night off. It was Sunday, June 4th. I clocked in at 4:14pm. I rushed to get deliveries out that were getting old, because the scheduled driver had to leave. By 4:40pm I twisted my knee.
While not my finest decision. Once I got on my feet, I rushed home to get a knee brace and then continued to work the rest of the night. To the point I could hardly walk at all. That’s how dedicated I am to the job. It wasn’t like I could visit the designated clinic for work injuries anyway. It closed at 4pm that day. Either way, I had to wait until Monday to go.
In the 19 months I’ve worked for Mancino’s, I never was late for work. I can easily say that about 80% of the time I was at work an hour early. In case our day driver (who is up in years), wanted to leave early. I called out of work once. Once. For the stomach flu. I even paid $50 to go to the clinic just for a doctor’s note. Colds? I take some Coricidin HBP and traipse my body to work. We carry too much cash, I bought and installed a drop box. This way we don’t need to do that anymore. They probably will never use it. That’s not on me. I tried. I cared. I rarely declined when they called me in to cover for someone. Generally the only time I declined extra hours was if I was out of town. No one cleaned the floors like I did. I was faithful to this job.
I get injured and they can’t even throw me a bone for hours. The straw that broke the camel’s back was this statement, “I don’t know when or if ever you’ll get your hours back.”. That and the lack of backing from the other folks who I thought cared. I’m not about to sit by the phone every day waiting to get a call because someone called out. I want a decent set of hours every week.
I see now that my efforts and faithfulness were in vain. I’m sorry I got injured. I’m sorry I was out seven weeks and three days. I’m not sorry for being a good employee who the customers love. I frequently asked about my performance, and was never given an unkind comment about my work from any of the management.
Suddenly I’m glad I didn’t go full time there. I would’ve come back to nothing after my injury. The people who filled my spot while I was gone know me. They knew I was coming back. Clearly neither of them are willing to lose a few hours for me. That’s just a kick in the face to top all this off.
Goodbye Mancino’s 🙁
Incidentally, this month makes it officially 14 years I’ve been with my day job. They still appreciate me 😋
This one may get a little too real. So if you would like not to read my thoughts on subjects of Alcohol Abuse, Drug Abuse and Suicide… Turn back now.
I think I understand finally. I think I get why people turn to alcohol and hard drugs. Even why people commit suicide. Life is hard. Sometimes so hard, you beg for some sort of escape. Especially when you’re lonely. I’ve been through my share of pain and hardship. I can’t compare mine to the suffering of someone else though. I’ve no idea what they’ve been through or are currently going through.
As for myself, I’ve had three divorces. One of which was a fraud from the very start. To try and screw me over for the rest of my life. Long story, some know it. I can’t ever once say through any of my marriages, that I’ve ever experienced love the way I think it should be. It’s a long explanation, but the short of it is fidelity through the good and the bad. And that it should be forever.
I’ve been homeless before. It was for a few months, still it seemed like an eternity while I put my life back together. I did and I did it on my own. For each of my marriages, my finances had been ruined each time. Leading to three bankruptcies. My credit has been destroyed time and again. I’m still working to rebuild it after the last disaster. I’ve had some stumble points, but I can say my finances have never been more stable in my entire life. Seems the only way to keep your money in check is to not let anyone else handle it. Which just adds to my trust issues because every time I let someone else handle it, I get screwed. It’s even harder when you’ve been hospitalized or been put out of work for an injury. Especially if the injury ends up putting you in debt with the insurance company that was supposed to take care of you.
Speaking of trust issues. I have a lot of them. Loan someone something of value, they steal it or destroy it. Give your heart away, and they break it. Repeatedly. In the beds of other men and women. Lend someone your car, they do damage to it and all you get is a “man.. I’m so sorry”. Give someone a compliment and they turn it against you. Try to be nice and they take complete advantage of your kindness. Make a mistake, and it’s held against you for all time.
Sometimes I think to myself, why bother trying? But I try. I hope that my efforts will someday be rewarded. Some things I no longer do as I just can’t risk losing what I’ve gained. It’s hard to rebuild your life after a cataclysmic event. Once you finally attain some ground, you don’t want to give it up. For me, $150 isn’t easy to come by sometimes. So loaning out that tool I just bought to someone else is just not negotiable. If it gets ruined, I don’t want to have to come up with the money again.
When I do find a good soul, it’s hard to let them in. It’s hard to trust. Even if you spend time with them, you tend to analyse everything about them. In some cases they are good people with simple flaws. Others, the flaws are too much to take and you can’t stay close to them.
Over all I’ve become so broken. I spend almost all of my free time alone. I feel I have so very few friends. Two live nearby. One is at work and the other I see every few years. The one at work, we only talk at work. We never talk much outside of that. So are we really friends? It’s hard for me to say. The one I see once every few years is someone I knew in high school. I have two online only friends. They come and go with months of silence in between. All the other online friends I once had, have stopped playing games. They are all gone now. One is facing prison and the reasons are too horrible to speak of. So they are not my friend anymore. Still, I don’t know what is wrong with me. Why no one likes to be around me.
As an example, the other day I got quiet at work with my own thoughts. Immediately people asked what was wrong. Why I wasn’t my happy self. If they think I’m a happy person, then why can’t we be friends? I know I am somewhat opinionated. Am I really that bad? Something about me is off putting to others and I don’t know what it is. Is it because I’m too shy? Am I rude? I swear I try so much to make people laugh. I know I’m not very pretty to look at these days. Not like I was years ago.
I’d ask a psychiatrist, but I can’t afford one and my insurance only allows me a suicide hotline. I’m not about to commit suicide. Though if all they want to do is medicate me more, I know that won’t be of much use. Other than make me not care I’m in this state. That’s not a solution.
So yeah. I think I can get why folks turn to substance abuse and suicide. I have my own laundry list as to why I could choose one of those options. I question my life a lot lately.
Though I do not agree with turning to alcohol, drugs or suicide. I am much stronger than that. Even when I’ve lost everything. None of those are options in my opinion.
I wouldn’t ever consider drugs above marijuana. I can’t stand the smell of it anymore though. Frankly as a person who has many thoughts going on all the time, it just magnifies that. It’s not much fun for me. So I don’t do any drugs outside of the ones prescribed for me.
I used to like to have a drink once in a while. But the meds I’m on don’t allow for that without feeling ill. I never did like being drunk though. Loss of motor control actually makes me unhappy. So why bother with that.
Both are too expensive. Both form addictions I don’t want. Neither is a solution. Why would anyone purposely add more complications to their already insanely difficult life?
Suicide makes no sense to me. Especially since I’m certain God saved me from death for a reason. He has yet to let me know why. Frustrating to be sure. Still… Why end your life? Why be nothing? I can’t say for sure if someone who has committed suicide would get into heaven or end up in hell. But why risk losing out on heaven? God will forgive your sins. He’s the reason I’m still here. Regardless of what anyone else thinks of me. I’m still here.
If I never find the love I so badly seek. God will love me. He loves me no matter my opinion. One day he will educate me on the things I find wrong in this life. Until then, I have faith. Even if you don’t believe in God, why risk hurting the ones you love with such actions? Alcoholism, drug abuse or killing yourself only hurts those who love you. If I considered one person would be hurt by that action, I would consider it a non-possibility. Because I would never intentionally hurt a loved one or friend.
These are my opinions. Not facts. My views. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t agree with them. If you managed to read this and somehow got triggered. Go to your safe space if all your going to do is blow up on me. Foamy makes my disclaimer:
I’m glad to finally be back to work at my night job. I just wish this nightmare was over. Turns out, it’s far from over. The whole ordeal with this situation has been a disaster from the start. It took a couple of weeks just to get the paperwork moving. Then another couple of weeks to get the insurance company to put it together. Nearly five weeks to get a check for missed income and an MRI to even look at my knee. That whole time, if the meniscus in my knee had been torn, it would have likely healed incorrectly needing some serious surgery. Thankfully it was just really tweaked.
Finally at that point I get Physical Therapy and some meds to take the swelling down quicker. Things finally start moving and I’m almost at the end of my boredom rope by this time. Total time off work was 7 weeks and 3 days. I receive a couple of checks for income from the insurance company. My understanding was they take the highest 39 weeks of pay and base my income on 66% of that. Well for several weeks, I was working full time and even getting over time on occasion on top of working my day job. I was a working fool until it started to really wear me down. So I backed off to 3 – 4 nights a week at best. And that’s where I’ve been since. So when I got the checks, I assumed it was based on the time I was working like mad.
Today the insurance company tells me they over-payed me. To the tune of almost $800 and they want the money back. I just started working decent hours this week. I was cleared to go back to work on July 27th. Though for the first 11 days I managed to get a whole 4 hours. I might have gotten 9 hours had I not already been doing paint work on my truck. In any case, that’s horrible, but people didn’t want to give up their hours for me. I get that. Sucks, but I get it. Now that I’m managing to get hours, I’m going to have to work more to pay the insurance company because they made a mistake. They admit the mistake, but I have to pay for that mistake. I wish I had more of a choice, but even if I get a lawyer, what would that do? I’d just have to pay the lawyer too. I can’t afford that. If I’m lucky, I might be able to pay $50 every two weeks when I get paid from the night job. That would take me nearly 9 months to pay off. Providing I can keep the hours I’m getting. There are people who had to step in for me while I was out. They want hours too. On top of that, while I was cleared to work, I still have some pain and swelling. I still wear a knee brace to work. A brace I’m hoping the insurance company remembered to pay for. Can’t say I’m trusting this AccidentFund company much. As my friends would say, they cocked it up from the start.
Why does something always have to fuck up Christmas? 😡
So I finally had a nice day today that was just a perfect day to get something done. Weather-wise that is. It wasn’t too windy. It wasn’t too hot. I can finally walk without a lot of pain now.
About three months ago, I took off my truck topper.
I’ve never been a fan of toppers and while it was perfectly matched to the truck, I still prefer to replace it with a Tonneau cover. Which I hope to have on by winter. However, the topper has been on the truck since it was originally manufactured. Removing it had some repercussions. Such as it took a lot of paint off the truck bed edge. Some was gone already and rusted. Plus there were some nasty rust spots inside the bed as well. Just after the topper came off, I bought the matching primer, paint and clear coat. Along with some paper and tape that supposedly the pros use.
Missing Paint and Rust 01
Missing Paint and Rust 02
Missing Paint and Rust 03
Missing Paint and Rust 04
Missing Paint and Rust 05
Missing Paint and Rust 06
Today I decided to fix it. Keep in mind, I’ve never done this kind of thing before. I’m not in the field of body work and paint, nor do I wish to be. Though I do really want to keep this truck in good shape.
I had some help. Though I can’t say for sure if it would’ve turned out better my way or their way. First I sanded everything down. I wished I could’ve done the whole truck box, but I didn’t have the funds but for what absolutely needed fixing.
Sanding 01
Sanding 02
Sanding 03
Sanding 04
I also taped off areas I didn’t want painted. Now I wanted to keep the paint from getting to close to the tape. This way I had hoped it would blend in better. Plus any mishaps would be hidden when I put the Tonneau cover on. So when I did the primer, it turned out like so.
Primer 01
Primer 02
Primer 03
Primer 04
The problem came in when I tried to do a wet sand. Seems all I was doing was removing the primer again. I didn’t take photos, but my help resprayed the primer and put a lot of it right up to the edge of the tape.
When I tried to put on the paint, I moved the taped edge down some. In hopes that it would blend a little of the edge in as again, the wet sand only seemed to remove primer, not smooth it. No such luck. I’m not real thrilled with how it turned out. Though I suppose it’s better than when I started. After putting on two coats of paint, I tried to use a buffing wheel on my drill to sort of blend it in. The wheel I bought simply started to fall apart on contact. Spewing lint and threading all over the place. I cleaned it up and since I was out of options, I put two coats of the clear coat on. Here’s how it turned out.
Painted 01
Painted 02
Painted 03
Painted 04
The whole process took most of the day. Started at 9am and finished around 7pm. Once I got all the sanding done, it was an hour between each coat of primer, paint and clear coat. So someday I hope to have someone better than me to blend it a bit in to remove the noticeable edge. 😕
Finally. I finally get the go ahead to get back to work. After 7 weeks and 3 days of a painful knee injury. I have been reprieved from the agony. Both the Physical Therapist and Physician have signed off that I can finally get off of Workmen’s Comp and make money legitimately once again. So after being talked to death at one place and waiting forever in the waiting room at the other. I get the green light.
I go see my boss. Tell her the good news. She says she has to talk to the owner to get the final approval.
I get a text about an hour later, saying I’m welcome back. But can’t put me on this week or next weeks schedule. The one after she can put me back at normal hours.
That’s 11 days from now. After all this, I’m faced with no hours from my night job for almost two weeks. Which also means I won’t get a check for another one to two weeks on top of that. The night job is the majority of my income. I can’t say I’m happy. Not that there is much I can do but hope they call me in, or I find a new job. Which would take almost as much time to get a check.
For those that will be paying any kind of attention, might see a few references in this one. But hell… I’ve had way too much time lately. All because I wanted some time off, I got a whole lot more than I bargained for. Most of it not so great. Though I’ve done some minor things in the interim.
Changed web hosts. Again. Yes, this is the second time this year. I switched because I wanted secure certificates for my sites. Any site with a login, Google beats up now for being insecure. I found a free way to get an SSL certificate via Let’s Encrypt. However, the original host (A2) I found was very slow, held all resources hostage unless you paid over double the basic rates to get more. I moved to Dreamhost who has been fairly speedy so far and they aren’t nearly as greedy in both monthly cost and resources. So saved a few dollars per month and get what I need. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Started Playing WoW. Again. Yeah I know but I’m so freaking bored! Not working as much, can’t afford new games. Besides, I have that same old issue of new games just don’t appeal to me. Even if Legion is broken. There’s a ton of prior content I have yet to explore.
Installed my new headlights on my truck (that I ordered prior to getting hurt). Oddly was about the same as spending time and money on a restore kit. Just over $50 on Amazon. Though everything you do on crutches takes three times longer.
Headlights (Before)
Headlights (Passenger)
Headlights (Driver)
Headlights (After)
About two weeks prior to the injury I also installed a new taillight. Just under $50 on Amazon. Besides, this was a crack, with water and sand inside it. There’s really no repairing that easily.
Taillight (Before)
Taillight (New – Old)
Taillight (After)
Sadly my parking brake broke. Yes, I actually like to use it. I’m sure many folks don’t, but I do. Though I thought perhaps I would put off fixing it and confirmed with my cousin that in most cases it’s OK to do so. However, something must be lose in the brake drum, it almost got me stuck in the car wash yesterday. Trying to find someone to fix it now before I hit the roads again.
You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. In this case good working legs. In between Physical Therapy sessions, Chiropractic visits, MRI’s, X-Rays and just waiting in doctors offices, I’ve also been thinking about where my life is going. Which honestly is no where at all. Though looking back, I’ve done more before I was 30 than a lot of people do with their lives. So I’m not upset that’s not much going on now.
Weirdly I don’t really expect to change it much. These (going on 7) weeks have put me back months and possibly years from getting my own house. But I’ve grown weary of my living situation and once my mom finds a house, I won’t be moving with her. I’ll stay here. Even if it means working my ass off to pay for it myself. Unless by some miracle I can find a decent roommate. I’ve never had any luck finding a good roommate. Unless it’s via a girlfriend. Though I have my sincere doubts about finding either of those.
Let’s face it. I’ve grown comfortable with my jobs. Try as I might I can’t think of any new career to replace my IT job. Delivery work isn’t bad. Makes decent money and to be honest, even through all of this they have treated me good. A bit slow on the initial workmen’s comp thing, but I’m alright. Can’t say Gaylord is where I want to be, but where else is there? Petoskey is too expensive, so is Boyne City. Everywhere else in this area is too small and Traverse City is just too far away from my kids. Although getting out of Gaylord would put an ease on the freaking snow. We always get the worst and it lasts the longest here. I hate snow.
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It felt so weird getting up Monday morning and not checking for updated software. Not clocking in and doing tech support. I’ve done it for so long. It is such an embedded habit to do. That’s all it had become over the years. A habit. It wasn’t a job anymore. It was just something I did. Day after day, year after year. It’s only been a few days since the change. Yet each morning I feel this urge to check for updated software, and want to start my day as I have for 14 years.
