Love Song – Harvest Barn Church

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Eight years ago, the Harvest Barn Church produced a music video for a song they wrote and performed.

January 19, 2011

Alex Burns (Vocals) – Bryan Eggers (Guitar/Vocals) – Adam Fowler (Vocals) – Misti Fowler (Saxophone/Vocals) – Josh Mosley (Bass) – Allen Fowler (Drums)
* Other vocalists and keyboardist information was not available at the time of posting.  May be added later.


Chrio – The Early Days

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Recorded June 14, 2007 on a really crappy camcorder. Developing my skills using an old drum kit. I got good enough to join a local band called Chrio. A cobbled together drum kit with a broken cymbal, and I managed to make it sound good!

A Second Version

Allen Fowler (Drums) – Josh Mosley (Bass) – Bryan Eggers (Guitar)



      Comments Off on Vacation!

Vacation!It’s been just over 30 years since I took a real vacation.  The last honest-to-goodness vacation I took was with my first wife in 1988.  Our honeymoon.  Mostly camping and traveling around Michigan.  Not an expensive vacation.

Any other vacation I’ve taken has been merely time off work to do something specific.  Never to just get out of town and do something completely new and different.  This one is not far from an exception.  It is however, freedom to do as I like within my means.  Though I confess I’ve posted this now that it’s over.  A few reasons for this.  Thieves prey on those who admit they won’t be home and take advantage of the opportunity.  Secondly because I know a few people would take advantage of my having time off for their own benefit.  They think because I’m taking time off work, that I should help them with… work.  The object of a vacation is to relax.  Decompress and regroup.  If all I’m doing is more work, it’s not much of a vacation.  I’ve taken days off on occasion just to do my own fall yard work.  Clearly they weren’t a vacation.

Though knowing my current job.  I took precautions and blocked all phone numbers I have associated with my job.  They know I’ll likely be in town, they’d screw me and call me in.

Now keep in mind, I don’t get paid time off or sick days.  I merely saved up money enough (outside of my normal savings account) to cover my wages for a week.  I paid for my own vacation… time.  Working 9-12 hour days every single week takes it toll on a person.  I’m getting older, my tolerance for working such long hours isn’t what it used to be.  I have arthritis, plantar fasciitis and coronary artery disease.  The fact I work a full time job is hard to do.  I’m in pain and tire easily.  I do try not to let it get me down.  Even though I reduced the number of days I work to 4, I still get overtime frequently.  I needed a damn break.

Yet I feel guilty.  Like I’m not supposed to be given a break.  Like I’m not supposed to be happy.  The first couple of days went well, relaxed and started looking for a house to buy.  By the end of the second day (which were normally my days off to begin with), I couldn’t shake this feeling like I wasn’t being a good person and going to work like I should.  It’s not like I’m close to anyone at work.  I’m hardly close to anyone at all anymore.  Like I’m a burden and unworthy.  Those who I’ve tried to make friends with, let me down all too quickly.  One still thinks we are friends, but frankly he annoys me and constantly plays at me like I enjoy being touched sexually by a man.  Fucking Eww…  Or listening to my name being called out repeatedly.  I don’t.  I could easily do without him.  I prefer women thank you.  Real, born with a vagina women.  Who identify as a woman.  I digress.

So here I sat with a guilty conscience and time off.  Not an ideal vacation.  Still.  It was time off.  Away from work.  Away from normal everyday things I usually do.  Time for me to do whatever it is I wanted to do.  I mean that’s the whole point of a vacation right?  I do feel better despite the feeling guilty.


Offensive Beer

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Offensive BeerIf you didn’t already know, but you really should, I don’t like beer.  It’s bitter and gross.  The smell reminds me of overly hot summer days with rotting bread/pizza dough fermenting in the hot summer sun.  Which is probably why the place I work for, cooks it before throwing it away.

But…  My mind is twisted and I decided to make some fucked up beer bottles.  Click on them to see their full images.  Looks better on a computer than a tiny ass phone screen.

Dirty Sock Filtered Testicle Sweat.  Do you really need a more detailed description?

Not Your Grandma’s Crotch Rot.  I mean if you’re going to drink beer, it should be full of flavor.  The name speaks for itself.

Rattlesnake Piss.  Before I discovered the lovely smell of dying yeast in the hot sun.  This is was my term of choice for beer.

I’ll stick to my Mike’s Hard Lemonade.  Call me what you want, it’s much tastier.


My Perspective

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Denny ShadesWhat sucks about being a blogger with my life as it is now, is that I have my best ideas for things to write about when I’m driving for work.  No where near my computer or tablet.  I am not about to distract myself like an idiot by texting, recording or anything else while driving.  So most ideas get lost.  This one has been rattling in my head for months.  And took weeks to fully write and I’m sure I missed many points I wanted to make.

When it comes to life as I see it these days, the glasses I wear are less rose colored and more hide my eyes dark.  I haven’t led a charmed life by any means.  To be honest, I can’t recall when I was last genuinely happy.  I’ve held a handful of skepticism for nearly two decades.  Yet life managed to fool me into things I never wanted for myself.

So these days I live life drawn back from people.  I do what I feel I must do, but I find it hard to move forward without absolute assurance things will go my way.  So here’s how I live life now.

Don’t trust anyone.  Not fully.  Even if you love them dearly, don’t blindly submit to them.  Remember that exercise of falling backwards and trusting someone to catch you while your eyes are closed?  Yeah, don’t close your eyes.  That same person who you trusted with your soul may (not saying they will, but may) change their feelings toward you without notice.  At least this way if that day should ever come, you can brace for the impact and not break your head or heart wide open.

Beware of False Friends.  I find more and more that my list of friends is getting really short.  As I realize a lot of the people I was so-called friends with, are people who only like me when they find me useful to them in some fashion.  Once my usefulness has run its course, they suddenly don’t have time for me.  If I want to just hang out and talk, they aren’t interested.  Or if I talk to them after a long period of silence, it’s met with needing my assistance more than needing me socially.  As long as I fix their computer or help them move something I’m all good.  If I want to just watch TV with them, they have other things to do.  So I’ve started cutting them from my life.  I don’t mind helping a friend, if in fact they are a friend in return.  Also a real friend will be your friend no matter what.  Even if you are on a long down note, they will at least offer you an ear.  Even if they don’t have a way to help or have advice to give.  Same goes for family.

Listen for Empty Words.  Some of the so-called friends I’ve had always say we should get together sometime.  When the time comes, they don’t have time.  Or say they need a few more days.  In once case, two years went by before I bothered them again.  They said they’d get with me in a few hours.  That was 6 months ago.  I’ve removed them.  Why do people claim they want you in their life if they really don’t?  Why make empty promises?  I no longer have time to waste on useless people like that.

Staying single.  Just as I started to write this, Foamy seemed to have read my mind.  It’s damn near pointless to bother with finding a relationship.  Too many risks and hardly any reward.  Fuck Social Justice Warriors.


Keep yourself covered.  And/or your immediate family.  I’ve built myself some savings.  Enough for an entire months worth of income.  After taxes.  At the very least.  Really you should go for two months worth if you can.  Having short-term disability benefits are also a good thing.  You really never know when something bad may happen.  You end up out of work.  Bills don’t stop when you are unable to work.  The phone calls for unpaid debts can be relentless.  Sure, a credit card with a decent limit is nice.  But you have to be sure you have the self control to not use it frivolously.  Many can’t.  Or if you have a significant other who can’t.  Have a way to keep your head above water.  Friends and family can’t always come through when a crisis strikes.  I’m not saying they won’t, but perhaps the timing is such that they too are on harder times.  Be absolutely certain you can cover your own ass.  (Or asses if there is a spouse and possibly children involved.)

Honestly I don’t like they way the world is changing.  Everyone is so uptight over every little thing and keep screaming about how everyone needs to be accepting of all these things.  Folks, it’s never going to be that way.  There will always be people who don’t accept other people for one reason or another.  Things about me have never been accepted by groups of other people.  It’s life.  But to waste such energy on demanding acceptance, you end up not living.  I am who I am.  You don’t have to accept me.  But I’ll be damned if I’m going to change for you.  I don’t expect you to change for me.  Nor will I demand it.  I will simply move on to someone who does accept me as I am.


Where I’ve Been

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Flying MonkeyIf you were wondering where I have been the past month or so…  I’m still working my ever-loving ass off.  Though I’ve recently had a chat with the boss and requested a change in schedule and while I don’t get vacation time.  A week off in my semi-near future.  Before the dreaded snow flies.

It’s been a hellish cycle.  When I’m not working, I’m sleeping or running about doing my shopping and laundry.  Also driving to Saginaw or Detroit for my heart and knee.  I’m exhausted.

When I’m not working (and when I am).  I don’t have a lot of time to have fun.  I also don’t have a lot of time to take time out to eat at home and frankly I’m sick of Pizza.  So I’ve been having fun with the people at drive-thru’s.  As we do in our industry, we always ask the customer if they would like anything else to go with what they ordered.  A weak but sometimes effective way to upsell without being overly clever.  So when they ask me, I ask for between 200,000 or 2,000,000 Flying Monkeys.  Sometimes a Freeze Ray or Death Ray.  Even a Secret Lair on a Volcano Island.  Almost every time I get a laugh in one form or another.  Though I am waiting for that one dumb-ass to take me seriously.  Likely ending badly for me.  YOLO

For many years I’ve been a Starbucks fan.  Some girl I dated months ago just refused to go and insisted I try Biggby Coffee.  Well she didn’t work out, but the coffee did 😎

For those of you who I have fixed or worked on your computers, and saw that a few weeks ago I turned my back on CCleaner.  I’ve found a new solution.  Wise Disk Cleaner.  CCleaner was a super program that worked wonders.  Started as a small private project called Crap Cleaner, that’s when I found it.  Then they became Piriform and made more products.  Then Avast bought them.  Avast was an antivirus that I used to use as well.  But they became super intrusive to your computer system and always uploaded info they didn’t get permission to get.  So I gave up on them years ago.  Recently they did the same thing to CCleaner.  While they claimed to have restructured the software to be less annoying, but like the AV product, I just don’t trust Avast or their products anymore.

As for my doctor visits.  My heart is doing as well as it has for the past year.  My knee starts treatment next week.

When I do have a day off to myself, I haven’t done much of anything.  It’s the one time I get to just vegetate.  I don’t like being on my knee much.  So I generally watch TV and play games.  I know I should do more, but I’m always so exhausted.  Lack of finding any new games to like, I’m back to playing World of Warcraft.  But I’ll never return to the retail version of the game.  Legion sucked balls.  Battle for Azeroth reviews have just pushed me off further.  So I returned to an older private server that is working very well and has a decent population.  Hades is the name.  Running Cataclysm running in the same time progression as retail once did.  Come join me 👍

My Toons


Reason for Leaving

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Reason for LeavingYou know that box on job applications that says, “Reason for Leaving”?  When I do leave my current job, it’s going to be hard as hell not to put something unprofessional in that box.

I’m serious.  I’ve never been so pissed off at an employer before.  I know I’m not alone in my frustrations with them.  It’s not the owner.  Despite what some may say, she’s a sweetheart.  It’s her General Manager that’s the issue.  The man can not find good employees at all.  When he gets one that works, he works them until they can’t take it anymore and quit.  He also won’t fire people that cause problems at work, so long as they show up and perform.  Even if they call in sick once a week, insult and bully other workers or quit repeatedly but come back.

I’m on the short list of being the next frustrated person to leave.  Not that I don’t plan on leaving anyway when I move.

I’ve made my physical issues well known to my boss.  My right knee is raw and swollen many days from the bone spurs.  Just having any material rub against the skin of my knee burns.  I safety pin the right leg up over my knee to save the skin from torture.  However, until I start treatments for my arthritis, it’s slowly getting worse.

Walking with a limp as I do and have for many, many months.  It has caused Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot.  Making it hard for me to walk any serious distance.

Thankfully my heart isn’t any weaker than it was last year.  And I rarely have asthma attacks.  Still, despite all that going on, my boss seems to think it’s fine to work me into the ground.  I do now sit on a stool when I can, but I need to cut back on my hours.  I need a break.  Granted, I fear I may end up getting more than I ask for.  I haven’t gone anywhere today just to give my knee some rest.  Though I’m scheduled to work nearly 50 hours this week.  I guess it’s a 40th anniversary event.

Frankly I’m over this job.  I guess I have to find a handicap friendly job.  Not sure how easy that will be.


Final Results

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After over a year in pain, someone finally gives me an accurate result.  In which I can assuredly say that OMH is a bunch of quacks.  Two doctors, an x-ray and a MRI from them and they only made a guess at the problem.  “Likely a torn meniscus.”, “Oh it’s just swollen, a couple of weeks of Physical Therapy and you’ll be back to normal.”.  It never got better.  Only worse.  This past month it’s been flaming in pain at times.  Likely because of high humidity as we had a decent amount of rain.

The first doctor at the VA wasn’t much help either.  He was solely concerned with my weight and waiting.  Pain isn’t something one should have to wait through.  Which is why I had him removed from my care.  My new doctor is taking action.

The MRI results came back from the VA.  I was told it’s arthritis and degenerative loss of the cartilage.  Further information as well as the symptoms fit my situation perfectly.  Making the VA’s MRI results conclusive of Osteoarthritis.

OsteoarthritisImage courtesy of Orthoinfo.

As pictured above, there are bone spurs.  Which is why my knee is swelling in pain and feels like there is a glass shard digging at me.

I guess it was triggered when I injured my knee.  It irritates me no one caught it earlier on as perhaps they could’ve slowed the degeneration.

Sadly I don’t know what the next steps are yet.  I will have to travel to Detroit again.  Likely several times over the next few months.  I don’t know if I’ll need surgery or if they can treat it.  I do know I’ll have to lose weight and get a job that isn’t always on my feet.  If I can find one.  This whole last year was a waste as I was always told to elevate my legs and rest.  That doesn’t lose weight.  I’ve gained weight.  I hopefully have found a way to change my diet that will work, but I won’t talk about it right now as it’s not Doctor recommended.  If it works, I’ll let you know.  I’m phasing out my current food supply and starting the diet right now.  But I’m not going to just throw out food either.  The upside is this diet is food I’ll like 😉

I hope to start taking walks daily again soon.  Providing I can get outfitted with tools that will reduce my pain while walking.


A Bit Scared

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Denny ScaredThe past few weeks, my knee is giving me way more trouble.  It hurts almost as much as when I first injured it at work a year ago.  It’s almost like having a small piece of glass wedged under my kneecap.  I’ve worn a knee brace for so long that the skin is raw and pink.  It’s always hot to the touch.  It’s making it hard to stand for any period of time and walking is difficult at best.  Any clothing touching it is highly irritating.

Time SheetThough that doesn’t seem to discourage my manager from trying to get the most out of me.

Just the first two days of the week and I’ve already worked over half of my scheduled hours.  Which is normally 41 hours per week.

The average Joe making minimum wage in Michigan, in a years time is right now under $19,240.  That’s because most full time employees only work 32 – 36 hours per week.  The calculation I made of my income is going to be around $27,000 this year.  This is based on making over $13,500 by the end of June.  If I manage to keep working.  I only make minimum wage too.  That’s a butt-load of overtime.  Averaging 45 hours a week.  Plus fuel fees.

I know what you’re going to say.  Everyone else does.  “But the checks must be nice!”.  Yes, they are.  You know what would be even more nice?  Not spending every day in pain.  Not spending 2 – 3 entire days (open to almost close) at the store every week.  To be quite frank, I’m sick of killing myself for these checks, while I watch people post vacation pictures on Facebook and Instagram who haven’t had a job in years.  I’m sick to death of delivering to people on welfare and disability, only to be stiffed (not given any kind of tip) when I get there.

I can’t help but wonder if working so much is causing my knee to degrade.  But I wouldn’t know.  I’m still waiting for the results of an MRI I had done two weeks ago.

I’m scared if my knee gives out though.  If I won’t be able to work anymore.  What will they find in the MRI?  Can my knee be fixed?  Or will they say nothing is wrong with it.

If I can’t work, I don’t know what my next step will be.  I don’t know who to talk to about getting financial help.  I have some savings.  Though, even with my truck being two months ahead in payments, and my storage also being paid ahead…  The money won’t last but a month, maybe two if I can really stretch it.  Then what?  Should I move out of my apartment to save money?  If so, I only have two days left to move.  I’m not even sure I have another place to go.

Even worse is what if they can’t, won’t or don’t fix my knee.  Then what?


Compression Socks

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Denny HandicapI have never hated my life so much as I do now.  It feels like no matter what I want to do, I am incapable of achieving anything positive.  As the title suggests, I have to wear these stylish new socks because my heart won’t keep water out of my legs anymore.  I could use pills, but they say I’m at risk of a stroke.  Well golly gee.

A lot of my issues stem from the fact that my knee is still screwed up and it seems I can’t get much help without putting up a fight with the people in the healthcare profession.  It’s freaking insane that it’s been over a year.  It’s slowly getting worse.  Making it harder to do anything productive at all.  In so much I have special parking privileges now because of the pain that won’t subside.

Otsego Memorial or Munson Heatlhcare Otsego Memorial Hospital (holy shit-balls who came up with that mouthful of a stupid name).  Didn’t fix shit when it came to handling my knee during the time it was under Workmen’s Comp.  They said just do Physical Therapy and I’d be fine.  No it didn’t heal and I got to the point I couldn’t sit on my ass doing nothing any longer at went to work since nothing was improving.

Two jobs later and I switch to Veteran’s Healthcare.  Looking back, I’m not sure that was a good idea.  The government took away my healthcare discount as soon as I signed up and now the VA is all I have for healthcare because I can’t afford private healthcare.  Way to go Obama!  Trump didn’t help this either.  Except I no longer get penalized for not having personal care insurance.

The VA is virtually useless when it comes to their clinic.  They hardly do anything in the office.  You’re lucky if they give you a vaccination.  Seems they are a front for scheduling you for Hospitals located in Saginaw and Detroit.

On top of the fact that first doctor I got says I should sit, elevate my legs, eat lots of vegetables and fatty meats, and lose weight.  How do you lose weight sitting on your ass?  Plus that diet is prison rape for your asshole.

You can’t just fire a doctor in the VA like you can in private practices.  You have to arbitrate.  So 2 months later, I get a new doctor who is starting over with new x-rays and MRI’s.  I’m just so impatient anymore as I’m tired of no one actually giving me help.

I hate my job now.  I’m surrounded by food, which is a bad idea for me.  I have gained weight instead of losing it.  It’s not as busy as it should be for deliveries.  Seems for every event that comes to town, we slow down while it’s going on.  Was always the opposite in prior jobs.

Between my job and it’s fucked up schedule and the VA, it’s seems I basically work to sleep and drive down state on my days off.  When do I get time for me?  When do I get to actually enjoy a day off?  This working open to close (essentially) has got to stop.  I don’t get a few hours do run errands or decompress after work like a normal job.  It’s shower, eat, work.  Then watch an hour of TV, sleep and repeat.  On the two days I don’t go in until 4pm, I don’t do much as I don’t want to be tired at work.  You know the whole not wanting to fall asleep at the wheel while delivering thing…  I need 9-5 job like I used to have.  I basically gave up stupid people stress for road-rage and exhaustion.

I hate were I live, I should’ve stuck it out at my trailer.  I could’ve got a roommate, but that’s the upside to where I live, no roommate!  Hate having roommates.  Never, ever had good luck with a roommate.

I know what you’re going to say, move!  Get a new job!  It’s hard to just up and change when you’re moving to a smaller town than this one.  Plus finding a job that’s handicap friendly and makes around $14 per hour isn’t going to be easy.  Yeah I make $14 an hour on average at my current job.  Even on shitty days.

Plus, all the friends I once had are gone now.  They have moved on with their lives and when I want to chat with someone, it’s just random people who really could give a fuck less about me.  Or we aren’t close because we don’t share the same values or ideals.

I just want a house and a dog.  Play with my grand kids and that’s about it.  Of course if they don’t fix my knee soon, I might end up disabled.  It’s already turned funky colors.  It’s like I can see my goals, but they are always just out of reach.  Plus these socks just scream, “Never getting laid again!”.  😐


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