The Elder Scrolls Online

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Theodas RelwofUp until now I’d either quit World of Warcraft because they rearrange the skills system, or add Panda’s, or I’m alone, or bored, or ______ fill in the blank.  Though every time I quit, I’d never find a new game that fulfills my needs.  I even swore once I quit gaming for good.  Who the hell was I kidding?

I would just come crawling back to WoW as nothing else seemed to fit me.  I’ve tried countless games; Dragon Age, Rift, Villagers and Heroes, Lord of the Rings, Neverwinter, Guild Wars, Guild Wars 2, Dungeons and Dragons Online, Lineage II, Final Fantasy XIV, Tera, Everquest II, Red Dead Online, GTA Online and more. Even my old Runes of Magic, lost it’s, well… magic.

Since Activision took over, WoW has been on a downward spiral.  When you take a step back and look at it, the game coding is pure crap now.  The overall goal of the game is nothing but a grind-fest.  You endlessly grind for gear, reputation, mounts, pets, achievements and so on…  Some of these things you do for years and years.  That’s just insane.

To make it a shorter story…   All in all, Activision has destroyed Blizzard.

But this time, is in fact the last.  I’m done with what’s left of Blizzard and World of Hey Let’s Change Every Dammed Thing and Create Shit…. Craft.

So watching a streamer who started playing The Elder Scrolls Online and talking about it on his videos on YouTube, I decided to give it a second go.  I tried once before and hated it.  That was when it was new.

The Elder Scrolls Online is a much more polished game now.  It only took me a few minutes of thinking to get most of the idea how to play.  Action targeting is actually fun if you give it a chance.  Not sure if I’d ever want tabbed targeting back.  In short, I’ve fallen in love with The Elder Scrolls Online.

  • It’s not overly complicated
  • The graphics are far better
  • You get to fight actual Dragons!!!
  • You can craft end-game gear rather than grind for it if you desire
  • The quests are more intriguing and immersive
  • The quests are all voiced!!!  Gives you serious depth
  • The world is gorgeous
  • Player housing done right!

Granted there are cat and lizard people.  I’ll take that over fucking pandas any damned day!


Being an iPhone Convert

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iPhone XR BlueIt’s been just over 6 months since I switched to iPhone.  All in the name of retaining more of my privacy.  I think I switched at the right time.  Had I done it 4 years ago, I probably would still hate iPhone’s.  I can now say with all certainty, they are in fact, amazing phones.  I’ve been very, very happy about my switch.  It made me miss my Mac Book Pro.  I’ve even fiddled with the idea of a Mac Mini as a machine to toy with when I’m not gaming or doing things that I love using my custom build computer for.

Yes that’s my actual iPhone to the right (or above on mobile) ➡

I’m not going to start chanting iPhone’s are better.  They do have way better privacy.  I already covered that.  The functionality is the same of an Android.  Some things make more sense, others do not.  One of the best things about iPhone is they don’t contain bloatware apps that you don’t need.  Even the few apps it comes with are removable.  You can turn off all location info if you like.  Though some apps won’t work without it.  So being selective takes more time, but worth it.

But this thing has been insanely reliable.  Rarely have to bother rebooting it.  Battery life is out of this world.  Even my fancy Samsung 8 Active couldn’t keep battery life like this.  I can use the phone all day long and most days I’m still over 80% battery when I go to bed.

Frankly I don’t miss Android at all.  Or any other phone I’ve had.

My Windows phone would read and let me dictate my texts.  iPhone does too.  No extra apps or tools.  Siri has been improved a lot since the old days of all the comparison videos.  Windows phone also had pretty damn good cameras, especially on their high end phones.  iPhone you can make a movie on.

I can say yes, with my Android I could do anything an iPhone can do.  Still true.  But for the cost I didn’t feel it was worth it.  Low end Androids however, after several months would start to feel sluggish and run out of storage because the apps they force on you take up all the space.  Plus in a year, some reason, the GPS would just stop working unless you rebooted the phone for every use.  I have had this issue on 5 different Android phones.  So I moved to mid-range Androids.  Still lacked space.

iPhone hasn’t suffered this issue at all for me.  It’s been rock solid.  While it does compare to the cost of my gaming laptop 😠

Acer Nitro 5 - iPhone XrSo far, still love the performance.  As you can see by the screenshot of my storage above, I’m not hurting for space at all.

So this is where I am now.  I’m an iPhone user.  Not a fanboy.  I’m just happy I have full control of my privacy, my phone’s app list and it’s just a damn good phone.  Unless Apple goes the way of Blizzard Entertainment, a story I’m working on; I’ll stick by them and praise them.


Think Like a Criminal – Open Curtains

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No or Open Curtains at Night

Click to Zoom In

If this seems informative to you, I may make this into a series.  I like my privacy, always have.  But I got sloppy for many years when it came to my online privacy.  I’m taking that back.  However, as a person who’s been robbed in the past and has also been on the other side of the law in my early years, I’ve changed my ways to protect myself and my loved ones.  I now believe everyone should think like a criminal.  It will help you thwart would be bad people.  Police and FBI do it all the time.  That’s how they catch the most devious criminals.  The government hires hackers to catch hackers.  It’s a tested and true technique.

Even Foamy says so about advertising your daughter going to college.

Warning, I’m going to give you some scary things to think about.

My current job I do a lot of driving.  One thing I notice is that so many houses have either no curtains or they have them open 24/7.  This is a bad thing.

But I like the sunlight and being able to see the world! .. you say.

Most of us do.  During the day it’s not such a huge issue as the light makes it hard to see in.  Unless it’s cloudy or rainy.  As the night sets in, things in your home become so much clearer.

I can see in your home while I’m driving by.  So can everyone else.  So can criminals, rapists and sex traffickers.  Oh but that don’t happen here right?  Why, just last month this happened.  Here in our so prestigious and humble town.  Where I’m constantly told I don’t need guns for protection.

Things people can see are including but not limited to:

  • Your expensive living-room (TV, Stereo, Home Entertainment System, Computers, Game Systems, Furniture)
  • Your expensive china set in the kitchen
  • Your inappropriately dressed wife and/or children
  • When children are left home alone
  • When someone is single or home alone

People in town or near town in neighborhoods, generally don’t notice a car parked down the block often.  Won’t notice the same car drive by multiple times a day.  They are too busy with their own lives, possibly playing video games with a headset on or playing on their cellphones to notice whether the car is empty or not.  They likely shrugged off as a friend/family member come to visit the neighbor.  They won’t notice that the car isn’t empty or just assume if they see someone that they are just texting safely.  Will they notice if that car shows up different times per day and maybe a set of small binoculars?  Likely not.

If your curtains are open 24/7 or missing completely, you’ve already given them an invitation to check you and your home out.  It’s just not a smart idea.

While I’m no fan of seeing blankets and towels as window coverings as it looks completely ghetto.  It’s far better than open or none at all.

You should take care to keep your life private and away from prying eyes.  I’m looking for the house I’m delivering to, but I see so much more.  I think like a criminal in order to protect myself and mine.  I can’t help but wonder why others don’t.

If you don’t have curtains, get some.  Or at least some inexpensive blinds.

During the Day

Use sheer blinds to let the light in, but deter prying eyes.  Your house will look more elegant in the process.  If you want to see the world, only open them a few inches.

If you use blinds, angle them so you can see outward, but at a down angle.  Chances are you will be able to see out pretty decent, but seeing in is so much harder.  Angle them up ward if all you want is the light.  You won’t see out much but they won’t see in at all.

During the Evening/Night

Use curtains that shut out the light.  You can peek out if you hear a noise or a car pull up.  If you use blinds, close them.

Before Going to Bed

Take 5 minutes to walk around your home and make sure all windows are closed and locked.  Doors too.  It’s a good habit to get into and doesn’t take much effort.

Secure Windows

If you can afford it and don’t already have secure windows, get some.  These windows have stronger locking mechanisms and have a lock to allow the window to be open only 2-3 inches but deters a criminal from being able to open them any further.  More info here.


Pre-Employment Psychological Testing

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Psychological TestingHere we are in the New Year, and I find myself hunting for a new job.  As it’s a requirement for underemployment.  My current job has decided cut my hours in favor of having more people in my position.

Filling out a job application used to be so simple. For basic jobs it took 10 to 20 minutes of writing (in person) or typing (online) and you were done.  Professional jobs was an edited cover letter and resume submission which took even less time.  Now most jobs require you to apply for work online.  Now they also require you to take some sort of personal evaluation right after filing your application or resume; it takes nearly 2 hours in some cases.  At the very least an hour.

Have you ever had to do one?  It’s silly.  You can plainly see you have to be a happy, perfect ray of sunshine that never would steal or get stressed out in order to be considered for a position.

What if you are a person with a handicap, have anxiety or depression?  If you answer these questions honestly, it’s likely they won’t want you.  You can choose to be not so honest and select every answer they want to hear in order to get a job these days.

It seems insane to be an honest, normal person with flaws.  Because it will flag you.  So to win, you have to run the risk of trying to beat the system.  Which means you have to lie.  So how effective are these tests then?  Are they testing your ability to fake it?  Who wants to fake being a perfect person all the time?

Whatever happened to a good interview, where you get a feel for the person you are interviewing.


Northern Michigan Winter Driving

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Small Car Stuck in SnowI’ve upset a few people with this on Facebook.  But I don’t care.  When it affects people negatively, then something should be changed by the offenders.

It’s not everyone else’s responsibility to cater to the ignorant.

Dear Prius, Fiat, Cooper Mini, Smart, Fit (and various other tiny lightweight cars) owners. Our snow accumulation here in Northern Michigan is no joke. All day I watch you get stuck in 6 inch snow drifts. Struggle to accelerate from a stop. Slide through intersections. Get stuck on the piles left by the county snow plow, or the 8 inches that hit your driveway that you refuse to plow or shovel. Drive 25 miles an hour even though the road has just been plowed. Still you loose traction and with your tiny all season tires that have no business in our snowy conditions. I get that the winters here intimidate you. That’s fine, I’ll spend all day passing you like it was summer out. I go through 3 foot snow drifts like they weren’t there. I get paid to be efficient. You on the other hand, are not prepared. At the very least put some snow tires on. Make sure you have some cheap cat litter handy for when you get stuck. I even carry it. You’d be surprised how much it can help. Though seriously, if you plan on spending any real time here in the winter. Get an all-wheel or 4-wheel drive vehicle and put some serious tires on it.

Northern Michigan Winter Driving

Northern Michigan Winter Driving


2020 Resolution – Reclaim Privacy

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Online PrivacyI’m a pretty public person for the most part.  But I am careful about what I share.  I don’t use names of businesses many times.  Unless I feel safe in doing so.  I try hard to word things just right so as to not go too far.

Though I was like so many people.  I was using the most convenient tools available. While they may be convenient, they aren’t private at all.

Google and Facebook are two of the biggest online companies, and just about everyone uses them.  Fine.  But when I work for a company, I expect to get paid.  Plus, I expect my employer to stay out of my private life.  We all work for Google and Facebook.  Which is why they are free to us.  Because they are making billions of dollars off of our information.

Here’s How:

This is scary and has to end.

Dump Google

Google is the largest personal information sponge out there as far as I know.  I’m in the process of dumping them.  I used to use Email, Search, YouTube, AdSense, Voice and Calendar.  I’m just trying to find a replacement for YouTube that doesn’t suck.  Then I’ll obliterate my association to Google completely.

Use DuckDuckGo

Sure Google’s search engine is super helpful, but at what cost?  Everything you do, Google is keeping and selling to advertisers as you saw above.  But if you love the browser, you can at least install the DuckDuckGo extension and keep your searches private.  They don’t log your searches at all and are just as useful.  I’ve been using them for the past year.  It’s been a very good experience.  Install it on your Android (Owned by Google) if you insist on having one.  Though I urge you to dump Android too.  The phone alone contacts Google thousands of times per day.

Dump Chrome

Chrome spies on you.  Plain and simple.  I highly urge you to change to Firefox.  I hear that Brave browser is good too, but experts say Firefox is the most secure.  Even over so-called privacy browsers.  It has built in ad blockers, anti-tracker, it’s cautious with cookies and if you add Add Blocker Plus to it, you are almost completely ad free.  Let’s face it, any website who asks you to disable your ad blocker isn’t worth your time.  You can always find the same info from other sources.  Ads can hide harmful code and aren’t worth the risk of allowing them just to read an over-priced news site.

Get Firefox and start using DuckDuckGo

If you add DuckDuckGo to Firefox, you are in pretty good shape to protect yourself online.  Though a VPN hiding your presence in the first place makes you feel good about what you want to do without these places humping your leg to get your info.

Dump YouTube

YouTube (owned by Google) is becoming a complete nightmare.  As a content creator, you have to jump through hoops of flame to make it so you can get monetized.  Plus you have to be careful to not get stuck in “review hell”, or have your content immediately removed if it offends the sensitive Libtards and Democrats.

As a visitor you may not find the content you are looking for.  As it may have been removed for offending the ever growing violation rules.  Or if what you seek, doesn’t agree with their agenda, they will manipulate the search results to show you more of what they want you to see.  It’s horrid.  I’m currently moving to Brighteon.  Unless I find a better site.  But freedom of speech isn’t free these days.  There’s always some butt-hurt person or group trying to shut you up.  Your voice should be able to be heard, right or wrong.  That’s freedom of speech.  YouTube is no longer onboard with that.

Dump Facebook

I’m sick to death of the Libtards that have taken over social media.  Plus the fact Facebook’s whole point of existing, is to gather your info for sale to advertisers.  I never wanted to be on Facebook anyway.  I only did it as a way to keep in touch with my kids.  But at some point in 2020, I’m deleting that too.  If I want pictures of my grandchildren, I’ll have to take them myself.  It’s not like the old days (weird to say), where parents would just send them via text.

I can’t take the stupid re-shared memes, the idiotic ideals of the extreme left and the gender confused morons ruining the world.  Plus I have “friends” that I didn’t talk to before Facebook and still don’t talk to.  What was the point?  I’ve always had this website and will until I die.  I mean, remember when friends used to visit and hang out?  What the hell ever happened to that?

Use a VPN

A Virtual Private Network takes your internet connection and encrypts it.  It makes you damn near invisible on the internet.  They can’t take what they can’t see.  Here’s 5 good points to have a VPN.

Learn More:

I’m doing all 3.  I feel pretty good.  Soon I’ll have a real grasp on my privacy being, well.. private.

Many of our freedoms are slowly being taken away.  We can’t say things without getting fined or losing our positions in life.  Though the gun control train is at full speed.  We the people, need to derail that shit quick.  Our lives are no longer private.  Soon we will be like China and won’t have any privacy or freedoms at all.  Time to stop the Google and Facebook money making train too.  If we don’t act now, we may as well be robots.


What I Signed Up For

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Denny GunHave you ever been robbed?  I have.  More than once.  Have you ever woke up and found a stranger in your home?  I have.  The first time I got robbed.

His name is Raymond.  Raymond got stoned on a hard drug and decided he was going to rob my home, with my beautiful wife and myself still sleeping in our bed.

Thankfully we escaped our home and had Raymond arrested for robbery.  He served only 8 months in the county jail.

After Raymond was released, he would walk by our house flipping us off like we were the bad guys.  My wife once told me he made a cat-call on his way by while she was outside.  That kind of shit is scary.

If I would’ve owned a handgun when he robbed us, there might be no more Raymond to have tormented us.  I can’t say that for certain, as I would have had to make a few decisions in a flash.  It seems my friends like to remind me of this fact every few months; just because a perpetrator is in your home, you may not have the right to kill them.  Trust me I know.  However, being he was at the foot of our bed when we noticed him, that made us indeed fear for our lives.  If that wasn’t exhilarating enough, try the fact that we jumped over him, ran across the street naked.  I’m thankful that my wife at the time was very attractive.  Otherwise our neighbors may not have let us in to call the police.  But if I had a gun, I could’ve at the very least, held him at gun point while my wife calls the police.

On the succeeding times, my family was robbed when we weren’t home.   When we called the police, it took them forever to arrive.  They did little to nothing to investigate the incidents.  Our goods were never recovered.  While having a gun doesn’t stop that kind of robbery, it does prove waiting for the police isn’t good idea in a situation where you are home.  By all means call them first if you can, but take action if you must while you wait for them.  Otherwise just take action and then call when you are out of danger.

Just a few years ago, I had a delivery that I wouldn’t have been able to get back from because of the snow storm and the hill the person lived down.  I tried to call, but he didn’t answer his phone.  After failed calls from myself and the store to try to contact the customer; I went back to the store.  As I was heading back, he called me and called me all sorts of unpleasant names and called me a liar about the weather.  I hung up on him.  He then called my manager and threatened to come to the store and kill him, then called me back with the same threat.  Over a pizza…

From that moment on, I decided I was no longer going to be a victim.  I now a very pro-active Second Amendment supporter.  I’ve put up with way more than any citizen should ever have to deal with in their lifetime.

I bought a pistol at Jay’s.  I got good at using it accurately and quickly.  I studied my ass off to know when I can and cannot use it.  I took a course and paid close attention to everything put to me from the instructor and the DNR Officer that gave us really in-depth information.  And for the past almost 3 years, I have carried a gun on me every single day.

But here’s what most people who don’t carry a gun fail to think about.  They don’t know the whole story behind people like me.  We made a very profound decision.  It’s not about carrying a gun.  It’s about protection of not only ourselves, but our loved ones and everyone around us.

When you go out and about to the local businesses, you generally have someone with a gun near you.  Possibly several.


  • Blue = Customers
  • Green = People with Concealed Carry License
  • Red = People with Bad Intentions (Possibly have guns too)

In the above scenario, you have a bunch of customers.  Some of which are people with licenses to carry a firearm concealed.  A couple of possible criminals who may also be carrying a gun.  This is a typical day when you go out.  That’s a fact.  With over 18.66 million people lawfully registered to carry a concealed gun, this is every day life now.  But let’s face it, if someone commits a crime, you likely have someone willing to defend you.  Except gun-free zones.  In those, you are more likely to be helpless.

But here is the other side of the 2nd Amendment Coin.  When you decide to carry a gun, you have to think long and hard as to if you want to put your life on the line.  Possibly face jail if you make the wrong choices under pressure.  I have and I am willing to take the risk to protect myself, my family and any innocent life I can.

If something happens, it’s not simple to just handle the situation.  I could very well go to jail for life.  I could pay up to and over $100,000 in fines and court costs.  I could get killed.  The list goes on.  It’s not something I recommend everyone do.  For months I wanted to make a video showcasing what could happen if the situations aren’t perfect.  I hope some day one of the YouTube people who support Second Amendment Rights will make a short movie about these things.

Put in simpler terms, I am willing to lay down everything to protect someone else.  Even if I don’t know them.  And I won’t regret one thing if I save someone.  Even if I die doing so.  I hope it never happens.   I hope I never get put in that situation.  But if I do.  I will train as often as I can.  I will continue to educate myself.  Because I want to get it right when the need arises.

WE NEED TO FIGHT TO PROTECT OUR SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS!  Unless you want to be stripped of people around you to protect you.  Or protect yourself by registering to get a conceal carry permit.  Don’t let the Libtards and Democrats take our rights that made this country great away from you and me.  Don’t let them take our guns away.  Don’t let them force us to pay for prisoners to have sex changes.  And all the things they want to take away from us.

Another Christmas

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Another ChristmasI really just don’t know what it is about Christmas.  It’s my life’s curse.  I can’t recall a Christmas that didn’t go wrong for me in some way.

This year is a doozy.  The upside is I don’t have a breakup or divorce happening this year 👍

I do have money issues and unhappy people again.

You see I made a deal with my boss when I started my current job that I would get at least 37 hours a week.  For that, I would give up my job of 14 years at Widomaker.  In the past 6-8 months I was only averaging 35 hours a week.  Still it was enough to get by on by myself.

I really regret not getting that deal in writing.  About 3 weeks ago, he cut my hours to 25 per week.  That hurts substantially.  Because with this job, I barely make over minimum wage, so I use mileage and tips to cover gas, food, and some small bills including my monthly storage fee.  Any left over would go to savings.  I haven’t had any spare money to add to savings in some time.

To break it down:

10 Hours Per Week = 40 Hours Per Month
(one weeks vacation without pay)

$9.50 per hour x 10 hours = $95
$95 x 4 days = $380

Mileage on bad day = $25
$25 x 4 days = $100

Tips on bad day = $30
$30 x 4 days = $120

$380 + $120 + $100 = $600

So at the very least I’m losing $600 per month.  That’s my entire rent.  Not every day is a bad day, so I’m actually losing more than that.  But this proves I can’t afford to live in my current place of residence.  So naturally I’m in a panic.  Of course here is Christmas.  Time to spend money on gifts.  Money I now don’t have.

Finding a job for someone who can’t stand for long periods or lift heavy objects is really hard.  Almost every job description has it listed.  Delivery was a good break for me.  I’ve been looking for a tech job for over a year now with no luck.  I did get a, “we’ll keep your resume on file” from the local shop in town.  Though I don’t know if they will or if they are just being nice.  I’ve run out of delivery jobs in this town.  I’m still trying like hell to move to East Jordan.  Which I know I’ll have to get work out of town if I live there.  As there isn’t a lot of jobs in that town.  In the interim, I’m going to see if I can get underemployment like I did when Widomaker cut my hours some years back.  Plus hit the staffing services and see if they have handicap friendly jobs that I might qualify for.

In any case, I managed to scrounge up a small amount of money to buy gifts for the immediate family.  Hopefully they like what I found, granted some of the gifts are cheesy.  Kind of my thing as I like being silly.  Last year was 10lb bags of Gummy Bears 😜  I did manage to get someone something they really wanted.

Though despite my best efforts, some are still unhappy.  Even though I might end up with no place to live next month.  I could even get complaints that I used the same wrapping paper on all the gifts.  Like it matters.  It’s just going to be tossed and possibly burned.

Fuck My Life


I’m Trying

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Human BodyI’m trying to stay off of government assistance.  I’m trying to keep working a full time job.  I’m trying to find a tech job with steady hours so I can really start exercising daily again.  With winter here, it only reminds me that I’m not the spunky skinny young man I once was.  And only half the man I was prior to February 2012.

Prior to that date, I only had high blood pressure and some asthma.  Neither seemed to slow me down much.  Even though I was overweight then, I was walking 3 miles a day and had been smoke free for a few years.

Since then, things have kind of declined.  As a customer once told me, “Getting old isn’t for the weak.”.  I can attest he wasn’t fucking kidding 😕

High Blood Pressure

OK I’ve had this for many years.  I think I started taking meds when I was like 32ish?  I wasn’t super heavy then, but I would have accepted the term, “fluffy”.  I know people try to say that I’m fluffy now, but it feels like a happy lie more than acceptance of the truth.


This hit me harder in Virginia than it does here.  Though it never really was a problem for the most part.  Even today.  Unless the humidity is like 80% or higher.  I’m sure if I was still skinny as I once was, it wouldn’t even be an issue.

Coronary Artery Disease

This one crept up on me.  I was finally taking a stand on my weight and walking every day.  I changed much of my eating habits, though I’m still a food lover sadly.  I’m thrilled to still be alive.  However, I can’t figure out how I dismissed my first heart attack as dehydration and just went home and took a nap.  The second one was the one where I crawled to the car and somehow drove to the hospital and crawled into the ER.  I know God had me because I only remember moments of the trip.  I praise the Mary Immaculate Hospital every day for their excellent care and Dr. John Paul Jones for saving my life 💓

Cartilage Loss / Osteoarthritis

This one happened just a few years ago.  Shortly before I worked where I do now.  I got called into work on my day off.  In my rush to get things caught up, I rushed to the truck and when I turned my foot stayed and my knee twisted.  Two loud cracks and I was on the ground.  I got 3 months off for a torn meniscus injury that seemed to never heal.  A year goes by with no improvement and I fire my doctor.  I got a new doctor and we started from scratch.  Turns out I destroyed a good hunk of cartilage in my knee and it developed Osteoarthritis.  So it will never really heal.  I can get a replacement knee if I lose more weight.  When it gets cold or humid, I wear a brace to ease the pressure and use a cane to walk around.

Plantar Fasciitis

Because of all that limping I do, it has caused this fun problem.  My right knee is jacked up, so my left leg takes all the heavy lifting and pressure.  Causing the tissue on the bottom of my foot to tear.  It’s like walking on shards of glass at times.  When it gets too bad, I take a week off work and eat some savings to get it healed up.

Bone Spurs

This started last winter.  My forearms started bruising and feeling very achy.  Especially if I carried things on my arms and holding more in my hands.  Like a waiter would do.  When I had it checked out, it was spurs on my forearm bones.  Most people get them on their feet or hands.  I got them on my arms.  Not a big deal.  Yet.


Now you talk about a pain that can bring you to your knees.  Literally.  Your lower back on fire and you can barely walk.  I’m currently heavily medicated for it.  I’m scarred what will happen when the 30 days of pain reliever stops.  I have some Lidocaine patches.  But I sit a lot.

So when you add all that up, there are days I’m a mess.  I don’t want to be someone who bleeds the tax payers dry while I watch life go by.  The only upside to that situation, is I could exercise daily.  But I want to hold out as long as I can before I succumb to that life.


What I Don’t Miss… About Dating

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Denny AR-15A few folks have asked why I prefer to be single now.  It’s simple really.  I’ve spent my whole life trying to please someone else.  Wasted years thinking that making someone happy would make me happy.  It never once worked.  I always had to change for them, but they didn’t have to change for me.  At least I never asked them to.

I suppose that’s partially my fault for always trying to please them and rarely myself.

But in my endeavors of dating to win the heart of someone, there were things that would just drive me round the bend.  Especially in the past 8 years.

Talking about the ex

I’m guilty of this one, but I’ve had a lot of ex’s.  So it’s a huge part of my past.  Until now I was rarely single.  Turns out I attract psychos and/or infidelity hounds real easy.  Just seems my crazy rarely matched their crazy for long.  I do try to not linger on it long in conversation.  However, I’ve had to deal with so much of “my ex” from whoever I’m involved with it’s insane.  Of course now I’m the topic of conversation from these people.

Put the damned phone down!

Can’t be without her phone and cannot keep herself from checking it or stopping mid conversation to answer or giggle at whatever was just sent/shared to/with her.

Speaking of women’s obsessions with their phone; why can’t they ever silence it?  Hated going anywhere public just to hear the constant noises coming from her pocket.  And why for the love of all that is holy, doesn’t anyone like using their phone as a damn phone?!?!  Nope, only text…  And we all know how much I love texting 😒

Constantly pulling her shorts and pants out of her crotch

This is distracting as all fuck.  Why do you ladies insist on wearing things that don’t fit right?  Go baggy if you have to!  If you spend all day and night pulling your outfit out of your crotch repeatedly, then the fucking thing doesn’t fit!  And don’t get all pissy with the men when they look at what you are doing.  The whole room can see you yanking at your crotch 😡

I don’t have to suffer TV shows and movies I can’t stand

Over the years I’ve been tortured by every damned reality show there is.  And if I choose to leave the room and do something else I get chastised for not spending time.  Reality shows are complete bullshit.  Talent shows are painful.  People who watch Glee should be shot.  No one randomly breaks into song during school in perfect pitch and harmony.  Speaking of shit sing-along shows; why does every woman seem to love Rocky Horror Picture Show?

I always prayed for someone who gets me.  Who shares my love of upbeat rock music, likes my shows or likes games.  Never fails, I always pick the polar opposite.

Black HeartDoesn’t matter anymore, I choose to no longer torture myself with these god awful dating rituals.  Though recently I tried and I saw myself doing the same things all over again.  Besides I think my heart finally died.  I felt nothing.  She liked me, but I wasn’t able to reflect any feelings more than friendship.  I’m not sure if I should feel bad or just be content that I didn’t put myself right back into my old routine.

Me time

Now I finally get to be me.  Though it’s hard considering my slowly fading health and the constant pain.  Sure having someone to help me would be great, but at what cost?  Had I spent the past 6 plus years in a full on relationship, I would not have the things I have.  No drums, no guitars, no guns and probably no games.  I’ve made some great personal achievements despite my living situation.

Fuck that.  It’s time for me to be happy.  I’ve wasted too much time on finding something that isn’t meant for me.