I WON!!

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Denny BassIt’s partially very exciting and also not so exciting.  Still winning is winning right?  What the hell am I talking about?  I won a contest I entered.  (Holy crap that is the worst avatar I’ve ever made….)  Guess that says a lot about how excited I am lol.  That’s not even the right guitar in the image.  Anyway.

Bass GuitarSo right after I got a Black Friday deal on a low end bass guitar (the white one my avatar is holding).  I bought a low end one as I am not sure how well I’ll take to playing it…  I entered the contest on the website and I won another bass guitar the very next week.  The brown one on the right.

As you can tell, it doesn’t fit in my desires.  (See Below)  Not sure where this love of white with black accents has come from, but I’ve managed to find amazing instruments in this color.  Well… I don’t know about the bass yet.  Also, does anyone know where I can get an acoustic guitar in white/black? Mine is sort of looking like the brown sheep of the family, though it does sound insanely amazing.

Wish I could play this good already 😯

Though supposedly the bass I bought will be decent for the price.  And if I take to it, I’ll go for something more like the rest of my quality line up of instruments.

So since I have no need (or space) for two bass guitars, I gave it to a coworker who was interested in getting a bass as well.  Merry Christmas Matt!

Matt with Bass

So thanks to Glarry Music for the guitar and I hope both Matt and myself enjoy them as much as reviewers all over YouTube have.

My Instruments

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In Disbelief

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Denny Losing WeightI look in the mirror and I see the same old me.  The same me that has looked back at myself and said, “Damn your fat and ugly.” a million times.  That’s because I’ve been really obese for years.  The last 3 or so years of my marriage was riddled with insults.  Mainly about how overweight I’ve become.  Even though my ex-wife is overweight too, but somehow that’s OK for her.  Not for me.  Since then though I’ve overheard things people say about my weight who think I can’t hear them.  Some just outright say it.  Such as one kid said, “Hey move guys!  Let the fat guy through!”.  I almost got upset, but realized his parents were to blame for that comment.

Until this past summer, I just didn’t have the motivation to really do anything about my weight.  Between injuries and crazy work schedules, I certainly didn’t want to do exercise beyond the walking I would do when I felt good enough to do it.

Then I decided to give Keto a real chance.

Like so many things; I wish I knew then, what I know now.  As of this writing, I’ve now lost 65 pounds and am officially under 300 pounds!

Yet, when I look in the mirror…  I see the same fat, ugly man I’ve become.  Like my lost weight is not real.  Like I haven’t changed at all.

But I’ve went down more than 2 pants sizes.  I had to buy a new coat as my old one was becoming a parachute in the wind.  I try to shrink my shirts in the dryer as they are too big now.  So it must be real, there are real changes happening.  I just wish I could see them in the reflection.  And in my head.

I also look around at other people.  How they eat the things I used to eat regularly.  All the pizza, ice cream, sandwiches, potatoes and baked goods.  Yes, they are all delicious but in the quantities I have consumed and others currently consume, it’s no wonder there are so many of me in this country.

Sadly carbs are easy to come by.  They are cheap and plentiful.  Not to mention they are easily marked up and are still affordable.  We gobble them up.  Now when I look at the way I used to eat, I can’t possibly go back to it.  Even when I get to my goal weight.  I won’t stop what I’m doing.  I may modify it a little.  Right now I eat one cheat meal a week with anything I like.  Because lets face it, you need some carbs.  In small doses.  Once I get down to where I want to be, I’ll go with two cheat meals a week.  But yeah, foods like pizza, baked goods, cereals and such should be treats, not staple foods.

I’ve still got a good year or so to go before I hit my goal.  But I’m not going back to my old ways once I get there.  I’m more than thrilled when I get on the scale and see my progress.

I just wish I could be more happy with my reflection in the mirror.  I feel like nothing is happening.  Or… even if I do become skinny again, I’ll always be ugly and not the handsome young man I once was…

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Un-Fucking-Comfortable!

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Denny ScaredI swear something about me attracts the most horrifically stupid people on the planet.  They gravitate to me.  They have all my life.

It’s not hard to figure out where I work if you’re my neighbor.  Well, for some it does take a few hints and reading the shirts I have to wear.

Today, the neighbor next door came knocking and asked if I worked today.  Wearing my work shirt, I said yes.  He proceeded with the following:

When you go on your next run, bring me back a couple of pizzas.

“I’m not working yet, hence no pants (pointed to the fact I’m not fully dressed yet).  Plus that’s not how it works.  You need to call and order food.  I can’t just bring back random food.  Even I have to pay for what I get.”

Oh I can pay.  (Shows me his wallet)

“OK, do you need a menu?”

No.

I said goodbye and closed the door.  What would make anyone think that I can just grab food and deliver it to them?

Dumasaphobia Shirts

Just sayin’

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Making Work Friends

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Making Work FriendsIt’s been 3 years now since I left Widomaker in favor of having a local full time job.  Mostly out of guilt, as my employer in Virginia paid all sorts of money on my behalf to keep me employed with the company.  While insanely generous, it was also based on my doctor telling me I was heading for the grave several years ago.  Instead, I’m still kicking and feeling pretty decent despite all my handicaps and weight issues.

Here’s the thing though.  Since I left Virginia to come to Michigan, I’ve had the worst time making friends.  Hell even reconnecting with old friends here has been nothing short of a shit-show.  Of course, I immediately think I’m the problem in this scenario.  I’m the common denominator.  Yet…  I still talk to the Widomaker friends I have been with for 14 years and we have a good time.  We never miss wishing each other happiness on birthdays, holidays and so on.  We buy each other coffee long distance.  The loved ones I had in Virginia still love me.  They still wish I was there with them instead of being so far away.

Here in Michigan, I haven’t had much luck.  I’ve had a few part time jobs prior to the full time job I’ve have now.  None of which could I make a real friend.  Every single time I think I’ve made a friend, they find a way to throw me under the bus at work for something.  Some have screwed me over outside of work.  Every time I confide in them, they betray me.  Then they come back to me like nothing happened.  This last time, I swear to God I felt like Peter being told my coversheet on my TPS reports were missing.  I got in trouble by 5 different people in a 10 minute span!

I can’t trust anyone.  It’s bad enough my first rule for being me is, TRUST NO ONE!!  But damn if I only I could.  It would be nice to confide in someone or talk to them without fearing it is somehow going to bite me in the ass.

So if I’m liked/loved by people in Virginia, but not in Michigan.  I have to wonder if it’s the region in which I live.  Perhaps being in the belt-buckle of snow has made people bitter and cold hearted.  Maybe I don’t belong here.

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Self Driving Cars

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Self Driving CarWhat kind of a lazy, self-indulgent ass-hat do you need to be in order to have a self-driving car?  I had the insane displeasure of renting one of these things a week ago to take down state.  Not only was it tight as hell to fit in for an SUV/crossover thing due to all the nonsense stuffed inside, but then I wasn’t warned it was self-driving.  Found out when I put the cruise control on and it fought me for control.  In short, I fucking hated the trip in this thing.

Self Control

I’m a cruise control driver.  I even use it in town to keep from getting tickets.  Because if the music is good, the car goes faster by some odd magic 😉  So about an hour into the trip is when I noticed something odd.  The road was mostly empty until I got further down state and morning was becoming midday.  When the car got near another car, it slowed down.  I was wondering why it felt like I lost power.

Then I started picking up good vibrations.  I am a conscientious driver.  I watch the road and know when to pass.  I don’t need a car to think for me.  So when I try to pass, I get a vibration and the steering wheel is actually fighting me.  WTF?  Don’t presume what I want to do you fucking car!

Too Much Tech

I love tech.  But these cars are going to be maintenance nightmares with all the expensive sensors, servos and starters that need replacing as they get worn out.

Not to mention I’m tired of my tech trying to out smart me.  When I text, the phone thinks it knows what I’m going to say.  Now I’ve got a car that thinks it knows where I’m going.

Engine Shut Off

Auto shut off when stopped.  Holy fuck I hate the idea of this.  They don’t replace the starter with something more heavy duty.  No they just want you to maintain your car more often when it wears out quickly.  And a lot of other parts.  Scotty Kilmer explains it best.

But it’s jarring when you stop and the car shuts off then starts again to go.  You feel the jerk of the engine starting.  Doing this repeatedly in tight traffic is annoying as fuck.

Don’t want one, don’t need one.  I hope when I buy a new truck I can get it without all the nonsense.  Or I’ll continue to buy used.

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I Used to Love Halloween

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Not any more.  At all.  Even Haunted Houses are a joke if they exist anywhere anymore.  Last one I went to in 2012 had security guards next to the actors.  So everything was a let down because you knew it was coming.  Foamy says it best.

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You Gotta Want It!!

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You Gotta Want ItI’ve come to a realization in the past couple of years.  If you want to defeat a habit, make a life change or defeat an addiction.  You gotta want it.  Really want it.  Not just say it’s something you hope to achieve.  Not some useless New Years Resolution.  You have to make yourself commit and make it happen.  Sure friends or family may help you.  Generally speaking, they really won’t be much help, if at all.  They may remind you, harp on you or even drive you insane with it.  But in the end.  It’s you and you alone that has to make it happen.

I have done some damn amazing things in the past year alone.  One or two I did years ago because it was going to kill me if I didn’t.

In this past year (2020), I have achieved:

In the past 8 years, I have achieved:

  • Being 100% self sufficient (I rely on no one to live my life)
  • Freed myself from a toxic, money draining and unfaithful relationship

In 2009 I achieved:

  • Quit smoking for good

I tried patches, cutting back and a number of other ways.  In the end, I simply quit without any help other than my desire to not smoke anymore.  Period.  I got angry and just did it.

I’m on a roll and I’m not stopping.  I encourage you to stop wishing for change and make it happen.  In the end, you gotta want it.

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Why???

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Marriage OnlyWhy do so many women obsess about marriage?  I made the mistake of trying to curb my loneliness recently by trying to date again.  Date.  Not get married.  Hopefully fall in love.  Isn’t that the idea?  Love.  Love will hold you together.  At least that’s what I want.

Love should conquer all, but I’ve only ever seen it last until the money runs out that she spent on shit we don’t need.  Or she finds a new dick to climb.

I can’t count the number of times I heard things like, “I’ll always love you”, “No matter how bad things may get, I’ll stick by you”, “Forever yours”, “You’re my one and only”.  Only to find them in bed with someone else.  One of them still thinks I’m clueless about it 😈

I know I’m not alone, there are hundreds of YouTube channels and websites about it.

Well this time I’m keeping my money sweet-cheeks.  You can’t have it.  Even if it’s true love, we’ll live like roommates.  If, you truly love me, you’ll be content with that as I’ll likely spend my spare money to make you happy anyway.  I refuse to let it or you ruin me financially again.  I’m doing good and I don’t intend to relent my success in the name of “love”.

I’ve had to build myself back up time and time again after this thing called marriage.  To tell me not wanting to get married makes me a horrible person, makes you a controlling bitch.  Marriage is nothing more than a contract that basically says, if the woman becomes unhappy, she can fuck your finances, take half and more of your money, take the house you worked hard to get and suck you dry the rest of your life.  I got lucky the first three times only coming out with bankruptcies on their crazy ass spending habits.  That, and being homeless.  I haven’t the faintest clue why I considered it a forth time a few years ago.  I must have been high.

Listen ladies who are in your 40’s and 50’s, chances are you’ve been divorced before.  Once or twice.  Possibly more.  You know marriage doesn’t mean love.  Hasn’t in a long time.  Subsequent marriages are statistically higher in failure rate.  So why are you still insisting on marriage?  Seems to me, you know it will lock the man into financial security for you.  Therefore you plan to fuck him over.  NO FUCKING THANK YOU!

Here’s how a marriage license should read.

Dearest husband, if any of the following apply:

  • I get bored
  • I become unhappy
  • You so much as look at another woman in a way I don’t approve
  • I find better cock
  • I find better money
  • You don’t give me what I want
  • You become disabled, and I don’t want to care for your feeble ass
  • Forget any anniversary, birthday or holiday gift
  • You don’t make enough money

I get to take 1/2 of AYS (All Your Shit), plus the house and the nicest car we have.  As well as make you pay out the ass for me to fuck other guys/girls and take your kids while turning them against you.  Oh and you have to pay for them too.

I worked hard for what I got.  You can have my heart…   If you are worthy.  The rest is mine.  Love should keep us together just fine.  Not a piece of paper and insanely expensive jewelry.

Oh… and if I end up on disability because of my levels of pain and that’s throws you into a tizzy, then I know you were only concerned with the money honey.  What’s that you women always say?  My body, my choice!

BITCH

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Got on Keto

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Down 40 PoundsI didn’t really say anything on here, but I told co-workers.  I just wasn’t ready to go crazy with this until I was sure it was working.  I’ve lost 40 pounds doing the Keto Diet.  To be specific, Cyclical Keto.  Where I give myself 1 cheat day or in my case, one cheat meal per week.

I started this diet on June 15 and as of today have lost a total of 40 pounds.  I should be more excited as this is fairly substantial.  I’m not too excited as I let things get out of control for a while.

A few years back when I was doing daily walks, I had lost 50 pounds in total.  I weighed 310 pounds.  That’s when I had my first heart attack.  It took me nearly a year to lose those 50 pounds.  I’ve damn near done that in just 3 months this time around.

The problem I have is that after my heart attacks (3) in 2012, I could hardly walk to the end of the drive way and back (like a 10th of a mile long driveway).  It took weeks to get to walk normal distances again.  I still can’t lift a whole lot for whatever reason.  Plus, now my right knee is damaged and won’t be repaired until I lose more weight.

I’m getting close to the weight were I collapsed with a heart attack and oddly I’m scared that it will happen again.  I realize it shouldn’t matter this time as I have my stents and the doctor says I’m actually in pretty good condition despite my weight.  (unlike my doctor who swore I would be dead in two years) 😡  I guess he was trying to motivate me.  I took it literally and basically accepted it as fact.  The whole reason I quit my work from home job is from guilt of not dying and he was paying good money for me to work in a different state.  Jason is an amazing person, I’ll always be thankful for what he’s done for me.  I just didn’t want to keep taking advantage if I wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain as it were.

So yeah, I should be more excited about my weight loss.  I’m always untrusting and skeptical these days.  Hopefully I’m wrong and can lose enough weight in a year to get my knee fixed and live a number of years more.

If I get down far enough, I think I’ll reward myself with a leather jacket.  What do you think?

Leather Jacket

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Thou Shalt Not Take My Rights

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Smith Wesson MP 15 Sport IIFirstly educate yourselves.  An AR-15 is NOT the most used murder weapon.  It’s a semi-automatic rifle with fancy black plastic to make it look tactical.  You can buy similar hunting versions with wooden accessories.  Shoots the same ammo.

Those of you who support the ban of guns to average law abiding citizens, are doing absolutely nothing to take guns away from criminals.  You are simply enabling them.

By taking away our rights to keep and bear arms is to say that:

  • A rape victim must simply lay down and take it
  • A murder victim must struggle the best they can and hope they win or die painfully
  • Every parent must stand idly by and watch their child die when his/her life has been taken by a criminal
  • Every business owner must forfeit his/her livelihood and possibly their lives when their establishment has been robbed or looted
  • For home and business owners to stand defenseless in the face of these rioters who threaten their very lives
  • For home owners to allow the home the invested time and money into to be robbed and family member hurt or possibly killed during a robbery

Blue Lives MatterThe average police response time is 7 – 10 minutes.  It takes less than seconds for a criminal to ruin lives.  Do you want to wait for them?  Trust me, you don’t.  You wish to defund the police or in some cities, disband them all together.  So, who’s going to protect you?

I signed up to protect those I love and those around me.  If you go forward with removing the protection of the police, I’m less likely to want to protect you.  Especially since you’re trying to remove a layer of protection I respect and need.

BAD PEOPLE DON’T CARE ABOUT GUN CONTROL!!!

What the anti-gun community doesn’t understand and doesn’t see the facts before them.  Gun control as they see it will never work.  In cities with the most gun control, have the highest crime.  The now lawless towns letting looters and rioters take over have gun control and no control over their city.

What they also don’t understand, in this country, is that if they outlaw guns; they will turn millions of lawful Americans into criminals overnight.  If pushed we will fight back.  Don’t push us.

WE WILL NOT COMPLY

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