Seriously, no one really cares about me that much in my life. I’ll share some details as to why I say this.
No one cares I want to buy a house. So long as I’m buying it for them, not me. I constantly am shown houses way out of my price range or have “she sheds”. When I said they could live with me, it became all about what they want. Despite saying I want to build a studio and would like a full basement or stand alone building to do this with. Instead I get house tours of “cute homes” with no real space. I’m to the point now when I get shown these houses, I tell her to buy her own.
No one will care or notice if I die. I maybe see my kids/grandkids 3 times a year. If I want to see them, I have to basically make an appointment. Generally when I call, they will all be too busy and schedule visits weeks out. I don’t even bother with Christmas with them anymore. They’d be way too busy to have a funeral for me. What friends I have won’t even notice until long after I’m gone. They will likely think I’m being a dick to them. This is because nobody in my family would think they go through my phone and notify everybody on my contact list. I haven’t even finished my Will. None of my kids want my music equipment or other valuables. Yes, I have asked. I haven’t found a random person to leave them to yet.
At work, no one cares that I come in early to work. No one cares if I stay late. The only time I hear anything about my job is when I make a mistake or want time off. No one cares that I work off the clock to help everyone out. Or that I come in on my days off. It’s just I’m not wired to come in late or leave early. Or call out when I have a slight sniffle.
No one cares about my interests or what I like to do for fun. Only that I do what they want me to do with them. Plus, I’m told my dreams are a waste of time and money. It’s my dreams, my time and my money. It’s not a waste to me.
No one cares that I’ve been writing on this website for 22 years. (oldest archive found was in 2001, but site started in 1999) They never take the time to read it. None of my significant others have taken the time to read more than one or two posts. Hence they never see the negative posts about them after we break up 😈
No one cares about my pain. Or the near death experiences I’ve had. Especially family members. To them my experiences always pale in comparison to their own. It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone with the tragedies in my life. But when people blow them off like it was nothing, it tends to hurt knowing they don’t care.
I’ve learned to live with this truth. Yeah it makes me sad sometimes. But now I live for me. I hope to find someone someday who actually appreciates me for me. I’m starting to balance the bad with all the good I’ve made for myself. Someone out there must appreciate that, like I do. If not, I know God is keeping me around for some reason or another. 😇