Dear Denny Circa 1984,

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Reverse TimeDear younger self,

I’m writing you to give you some advice that will save you wasting your life away and living in absolute misery.

Firstly, at around 16; you’ll start thinking how you want to have a family.  A wife and children.  Buy a house and grow old with the one you love.  I’m telling you now, give up on marriage and children.  You’re a horrible judge of character in women and it turns out small children drive you nuts anyway.  It’s ok to be the uncle to your friends kids.  Maybe a god parent.  They are fun in short bursts.  With your knowledge of kids songs, your ability to do voices and be funny, you’ll be entertaining to them.

Instead go get a vasectomy right out of high school.  Well, as soon as you turn 18.  You graduate at 17.  When Tammy tries to hook you up with a lonely but not so smart girl, say no thank you.  Also, that girl that saw you changing through your window and hollered at you…   Don’t.  Just fucking don’t.  Whoever you lose your virginity too, be very careful until you get your nuts clipped.  You don’t want kids or the payments.  There are plenty of girls you hang around with who are worth the second look.  Grow some balls and ask them out.

Right this minute, you need to stop eating all that junk food.  Your metabolism will leave you soon and you’ll blow up like a fucking elephant with diabetes.  I can’t tell you the future of what it’s called, but work on a low-carb, high protein and vegetable diet.  Maintain your health by walking and riding a bike.

Learn to shoot a gun, buy a gun and learn self defense.  Shooting guns is fun anyway.

Go by Denny and not your real name.  It will save you a shit-ton of bullying and nonsense.  Don’t let some girl tell you how cool your real name is if you’re dumb enough to tell her.  In fact, just have your name changed to Denny and avoid all that shit.

Grow a beard.  The one you have in the future I think is called a circle beard.  You’ll need this as your hairline is already receding.

Learn to track your money and never ever, let anyone else handle your shit.  It’s scary at first, but trust me, you’re really good at it.  Trust me, you don’t want to go through the shit that happens when you let anyone else handle it!

Embrace your humor.  In the future it makes you money.  People may think your humor is weird now.  You’re just ahead of your time 😀

You’re a kinky and horny fucker.  Embrace that shit!  Maybe become a porn star since you suck at relationships.  Failing that, try to become an escort for a high-end female customers.  You’ve got a talented tongue (for more than just talking) and that book you find at the library gives you some great tips.  Trust me, you’ll see.  Don’t be afraid to let your freak flag fly.  By the time year 2020 rolls around, anything that you think is kinky, will be mild by comparison of all the crazy shit going on in that year and beyond.  Let’s just say you’ll have a hard time with a lot of it.  Just be yourself and let everyone else do their weird shit.  It’s the only way to get along here in the future.  You really get into DDLG/ABDL Ageplay.

Along with a bunch of other fun stuff 😉

Also, in the early 2000’s a phenomenon called pop-punk will take a hold of music when skate boarding kids become huge.  You will fall in love with it!  Enjoy!  I waited too long to start getting into it, but it’s making a come back here in 2020/2021

Finally.  Remember when your parents wanted to get to to learn guitar?  But you wanted to learn drums?  Do it!  Do both!  Practice hard.  Get good.  Be multi-talented.  You can do some cool shit in the future if you are versed in many things.  Playing a concert if you can.  Make friends with musicians.  Especially since the friends you made will fall away from you mostly.

Last but not least…  Learn computers and such.  Just don’t make it your life work.  You’ll end up hating it if you do.