F***ing Tourists!

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F***ing Tourists!

When I was a child, this town had one traffic light.  Growing up here, I used to love this town.  Never really thought about going to the places I’ve gone.

As I grew up, this town did too.  Sure we had a couple of golf courses and ski resorts.  No big deal, you could still go to the beach or the camp ground and it was nice and enjoyable.

Since I’ve moved back from Virginia, I’ve grown a hatred for living here.  Not just because of the snow, but because of all the tourists!  The fucking tourists!!

Apparently the elders of this town saw dollar signs when they realized we are the center of Northern Lower Michigan.  This used to be a lovely small town.  Now it’s expanded and we keep adding restaurants, motels and events.  Before the virus that everyone fears irrationally, you couldn’t hardly use main street.  We’ve held Basketball Tournaments in the streets, School Sporting Events all Summer Long, Air Shows, Christian Concerts that last for days and so much more.  What used to be our simple County Fair and Alpenfest celebrations went from being something to enjoy with the family to the nightmare of parking and costs as well as Alpenfest turned into the largest yard sale with rides.  Wall to wall assh… I mean people.  Our hotels are packed.  Going shopping is better off done out of town in the smaller towns east and west of us.  It’s worth the drive to go out to eat so you don’t have to wait for a table.

Even with the virus, our town is flooded with tourists.  Restaurants can’t keep up with the business.  I see people driving from hotel to hotel looking for a vacancy.  We are building two more hotels as I write this.  It’s insane.

And the trailers.  Holy fuck sticks the trailers!!!  Boat trailers, camper trailers, snowmobile trailers, jet ski trailers, cargo trailers and others.  (I’ll never say a bad thing about livestock trailers as I have a deep respect for our farmers.)  As a driver, I have to dodge these assholes all day.

Between street repair and roads being closed, and the lack of parking, the traffic, the packed state and county parks and the people wandering across the streets not using our crosswalks we paid thousands of dollars to add…  I’m about to lose my mind.

I look forward to the slow season.  I miss this town being closed on Sunday.  I miss the quiet walks I used to take along Main Street in the early hours of the day.

Now all I want to do is leave.  I plan on it.  Until then, I plan on showing my distaste for what this town has become.  A tourist whore hole.  Click the image above to buy a shirt!


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