I wasn’t going to put this out here as it’s mostly a beef between me and a couple individuals. Every time the subject comes up, I get an angry attitude of their right and I’m wrong regardless of my opinions. Yet through various conversations with others, I’m not alone in my feelings. This medium allows me to put out my feelings without interruption.
Since having returned to Michigan, I’ve been invited to 4 different funerals. I went to the first one and was so bored and lost. I only knew a handful of people. The person who died I had been introduced to once, but never got to know. Pretty much all I heard about this person was their drinking problem and it was the major factor in their death. I so relieved when it was over.
The second was to a person who was related to me by marriage. I haven’t seen or heard from them since the 80’s. Really hadn’t even thought about them as they divorced from my relative. The day of the funeral I worked a double shift.
The third funeral I was invited to, was a person who used to bully me in High School. Clearly I’m not interested in mourning someone like that.
The forth was a relative who I haven’t spoken to in 30 some years. My reasons are my own, but when I heard of this passing I felt sorry for the family members who would miss this person. I gave my condolences. However, my not being close to this person, and the fact that I need to work to pay the bills. I chose not to attend the funeral. Especially since my income is currently the only stable income at the moment. I now work two part time jobs, I no longer have vacation time to take. So unless it’s very important to me to do something that makes me miss work, it’s not going to happen.
So the reasons I haven’t wanted to attend funerals are:
- I’m not going to a funeral of those who bullied me in High School
- I’m not going to a funeral of those I haven’t given a second thought too in 30+ years
- I’m not going to a funeral of someone who I’m not close to or even really know
- I can’t afford to take time off work
The word I got from this latest funeral, was that everyone at the funeral was coming to my wedding. However, since I didn’t go, they in-turn weren’t coming to my wedding. Odd, as far as I know, no one besides my mother from the funeral was invited in the first place. Mostly because of the 5 times we asked for addresses of those who wanted to come, none of these people responded.
I’m told that funerals are for the living. Basically to talk about the dead. Which I didn’t want to do.
I’ve been told that there are people in my family wanting to contact me. I’ve given my number to some of them several months ago. At the funeral my number was given to someone who supposedly begged for it. They have yet to call me. The only person who has called me, only wanted their laptop fixed. Since I finished the job, not one sound from them.
So why does it take a funeral for these people to supposedly want my attention? Why not when there isn’t a funeral? It’s not like it’s hard to find me. I’m on Facebook, Google+, my phone number is publicly listed, you can do a search for “Denver Fowler” and find me in your favorite search engine and I have email forms on just about every website I maintain. This website alone has been online since 1999. So if the effort hasn’t been made by now, I doubt the sincerity. If someone really wanted to get a hold of me, it wouldn’t take a whole lot of effort on their part. I can’t make it any easier.
I was faced with my own death and survived. I was told however my time here is limited and I should put my affairs in order. Which is why I came back to Michigan. My affairs deal with my two sons. Something I’ve been working on, but not trying to force myself upon them. Things between us didn’t work out like I wanted when I left. I expected to remain close to them. Sadly money was an issue, so I didn’t visit like I wanted too. We grew apart. I’m back and doing what I can to make up for the past. That is my number one goal. Darla coming back into my life was a very unexpected and pleasant surprise bonus 😀
When I do die, I don’t want a big deal funeral. I don’t want to be stuffed in a coffin. I only want people tell lighthearted tales if they really mean it. I’d rather be cremated, used to fertilize a beautiful tree. Family and friends who actually cared, perhaps 10 people tops; can have a small gathering in a living-room somewhere and have coffee and share a laugh. Say a prayer that God will forgive me for my wrongs and allow me into heaven. From there, just leave me a small spot for a memory you fondly have.
So no, I won’t feel guilty for not going. If someone close to my heart dies, I’ll be sure to attend. I’ll be attending for them. Not because it’s the only time anyone who hasn’t talked to me in years to finally do so.
Also, before I published this, Darla read it. She understands my opinions. Do not take it out on her if you are offended.