I’ve been through a lot in my life. Most of it I had spent far too much time in question of God and his plan for me. As I’ve said, I’ve been to where he was born and died thanks to my service in the Navy. Though then I never felt his presence, nor did I ever feel spiritual at the time. When I prayed, it felt as if I was alone.
It wasn’t until I had my heart attacks that I finally felt his presence in my life. Forgive me if I don’t use terms that others find correct. I’m not religious, but I now believe in God 100%. Sure I still have questions. Things in the bible sometimes make no sense to me at all. Someday I hope he answers them for me. I don’t belong to a particular denomination of a church. I do try to attend church when I can. Working two jobs and traveling as much as I do these days, makes it hard to stop and learn from Pastor Kimon (East Jordan) or Pastor Matt (Bay City). My true church however, lies within my heart.
I do know however, he does listen to me now. He may even talk to me. Though I don’t have the secret decoder ring that allows me to understand him plainly as I would like. Perhaps someday he’ll bless me with that understanding. So if you’re like I once was, don’t give up. He’s there and he’s listening. He’ll give you what you need, no necessarily what you want.
I think I’ve finally kicked the WoW habit. I haven’t played it in a couple of months. Though the withdrawals were so much, I had to find another online game. Even if just play by myself if I had too. I tried Rift once before, but felt it was overly complicated and I didn’t like the feel of it. Looking back, I think it’s like any other time I tried changing games. It took me a while to let go of what I love to give something new a real chance. Because I went through the same thing leaving Last Chaos for Runes of Magic. Then again from Runes of Magic to World of Warcraft. I’ve tried probably 30 different games going from one to another over the years. I’m really starting to feel comfortable in Rift.
It’s hard to believe I’ve been gaming for over two decades now. Online gaming for well over a decade. I’m almost 50 years old. It feels weird to think I’m nearly that old and I enjoy playing games just like I did as a 20 year old. Hell if you include arcade games, I’ve been playing games since I was 13 when I discovered Space Invaders.
Hell, if I finally do make it to retirement, I’ll likely be joining raids again as I’ll finally have the time. IF I end up in a retirement home, I’ll setup a guild of retirees 😀
I’m talking of course of Darla and her daughter Alexis. I’ve never mentioned Alexis before, but it’s time I did. Things with Darla and I are going great. We just had a nice mini-vacation together and I introduced her to my mom and my boys and their wives. Everyone seems to really welcome Darla to our family. As for Alexis, she’s a bit of a tough cookie to crack. In the months I’ve been going down to visit Darla in Bay City, Alexis and I have only hung out once. Had a good time and she even laughed at my humor. Still got a ways to go before I finally get her to open up to me I think. Problem is, she’s like the wind sometimes and is gone before I manage to catch her to go to lunch or do something with us. Don’t worry, I don’t’ give up easily.
It’s a fucking stupid, messed up world. I’ve got my God; he speaks to me every day. Some things I just can’t work out, so I leave them be. Okay? Even if I think they’re wrong. Because I know, one day he’ll make me understand. I’ve got that trust; it’s called belief. I’m a lucky man. – Istiak Kharral (Skins 2007)