Looking Back

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Looking BackFrom time to time I get the chance to take a look around some of the places I’ve lived before.  Yesterday I checked out two places I’ve lived before.  One was when I was only 14 to 15 years old.  My how that hold neighborhood has fallen to ruin.  Houses falling apart.  Roads in serious need of repair.  Even the old convenience store is now boarded up and has been empty for a number of years now.  I remember when it was a quick place to stop for a snack on the way to or from the small beach at the end that led to Otsego Lake.  I wish I had old photographs to do what this picture here has done.  Back then I wasn’t much of a photo buff though.  I wished I had been.  Hell, hardly anyone knew or even remembered the short time I had long hair.  Or that silly perm that made me sort of look like a young version of Robert Plant.  Too bad I never actually had his looks or talent.  I don’t even know if anyone remembers that my hair was a nice blond.  That was the years 1983 to 84… ish.

Those were the years I really discovered girls and music.  It wasn’t my first date, that actually came a couple years earlier.  It was a supervised date by my parents.  What a horrifying experience that was.  It wasn’t the time of my first kiss either.  When those things happened, I didn’t really know why people would get together for a relationship.  I just did it because I saw older kids doing it as well as grown ups.

Fast forwarding a bit to just a few years ago, I remember dealing with two teenage step-daughters.  When they came to me talking about the latest drama or love interest they had, I would roll my eyes and partially but fondly remember how it felt when I was their age.  Though in my mind I would also think “what do they really know of the real world”.

As a teenager, everything is important to some level.  Every feeling, every outcome of things you tried to do.  Whether you succeeded or failed, it could give you overwhelming feelings that absolutely everything depended on what you did and felt.  If you succeeded at something, it was a high.  If you failed at something, it was devastating.

When it came to teenage romance.  Every relationship was true love and it would last forever.  Every breakup was the end of the world and you’d never love again.  You were scarred so badly, that you’d feel as if you just wanted to give up completely.  Or on an off chance, suddenly you’d feel as if that person was never worthy of your affections.

Of course as the consulting adult, teenagers would simply look at you as if you’d never understand what they are going through.  You couldn’t possibly have any idea.  You’re just a dumb adult.  Or possibly you’re old and dead inside.  That may be true in a few cases.  However many of us adults remember it all too well.  It’s just we have years of experience under our belts.  We’ve loved and lost and triumphed and failed at all sorts of things.  Some adults have moved on and don’t wish to think much of it.

Some of us haven’t.

I think of those days frequently.  I crave to feel again how I felt back then when I had a teenage relationship.  Whoever I was with, was the only person in my world.  The stars shined brighter at night.  Days seemed more often sunny than rainy when I thought I was in love.  What I wouldn’t do to feel that again.  My heart aches for it.

Can’t say that the feeling was actually love.  I wouldn’t know as I thought it was supposed to last forever.  Perhaps it’s just teenage hormones that never subsided.

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