The Soccer Club

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Another Crap Reboot MovieActually, I think I want to start a movie club called S.O.C.R.  The Sick of Crap Reboots club.  I can’t possibly be the only person out there who thinks that only about 30% of rebooted movies end up being better than the originals.  The rest seem to be trifling works of over done CGI effects, over the top action sequences and plot holes, or just weak.

As much as I like going to the Theater, regardless of the elevating prices for tickets and concessions.  A crap reboot can quickly turn what could be a nice evening of popcorn, soda and a movie.. Into a huge waste of money and time.  I’m glad that lately I’ve been watching movies at home when it comes to these reboots.  That way I don’t feel guilty for turning it off before it’s finished.  And before I regurgitate my popcorn.

Here’s just a few movies I’ve watched this past year from my Netflix Blu-ray rentals that never even got finished as they sucked so bad.

  • Man of Steel – It’s like they took a 20 minute John Bonham drum solo, sped it up 300% and played it front to back, then back to front and then front to back again.  Faster doesn’t make a drum solo better.  Fast action sequences doesn’t make a movie better.  Plus, you really just can’t enjoy it a second time if the whole back story is rewritten.
  • Dredd – Loads of slow motion action, unnecessary gore and it felt like the whole things was filmed in Instagram.  What, is Facebook going to take over the world so that even the atmosphere has this green/yellow fake artsy look to it?  At least they picked a fitting URL, dreddthemovie.com.  If I had to watch it again, I would dread the Movie…
  • Les Misérables – I actually like musicals, but this one had me wanting slit my wrists before the second song was done.  I’ll stick with the 1990’s version of this.  If you understood most of this, then you must also enjoy the outsourced tech support you get.
  • Total Recall – More like total crap.  Open the action up with the same “fall through something” five times.  Must be inhumanly healthy to survive such a feat.  Over the top action sequences to cover up the horrible storyline.
  • The A-Team – Does the “A” stand for Ass?  I love Liam Neeson, but wow.  This movie is the epitome of over the top action sequences to cover up….was there even a storyline?  I don’t think there was.  Then again, I didn’t finish it, I wanted to spare of the potential wasted time in my life.

These were just to name a few.

Then there are the few reboots that actually pull me in and I enjoy.  Star Trek for one.  I never really cared for the original Star Trek series, but I loved the movies.  Then it faded again with all the other series, New Generation, Enterprise and so on.  But I still liked the movies.  This new reboot really takes a hold by starting an alternate timeline.  Brilliant!  While keeping the feel of the original.

Same thing with Batman.  I started to lose the love after Micheal Keaton was no longer the “dark knight”.  Those Batman movies were meant to have more of a comic book feel.  While the newer versions with Christian Bale, gave it a sense of realism while still holding a touch of comic book charm.

Though it seems that finding a good original story as of the past five years, is hard to do.  The market is flooded with reboots, shadowing over the original and independant films.  Though there’s a whole flood of low budget indie films that I have yet to figure out what the hell they are doing.  At first I thought it was the “hey if Kevin Smith can do it, we can too” club.  Now I just think it’s “hey, I got my stuff off YouTube and on to the Silver Screen!”.

/facepalm

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