Fake Techs

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You always hear me rant about customers, and how they have grown more and more lazy over the years.  How they have become less and less appreciative for the work we do for them.  However, it’s not just them that make me want to take a hot soldering iron to the eyeballs of the people that drive me insane in this industry.  There are loads of so-called techs as well.

What a wonderful country we live in. People from near and abroad can randomly wake up one day, and decide they want to be a computer tech. They don’t even need to educate themselves to actually do the job.  They will simply rely on real techs to do the work for them.  They will make money from it.  Even after years of doing this though, they still don’t know fuck all about computers…

For nearly 18 years, I’ve had to deal with this nonsense.  I’m self taught and generally I can run circles around these people that want to be techs, but they don’t do any of the thinking process for themselves.  My education came from books, other knowledgeable people in the field as well as hands on try, fail and research techniques.  Yet, I’ve had to deal with all these other techs with certifications and experience they claim to have.  They still don’t know loads of things that should be considered basic knowledge in the tech industry.

I’ve had and still have a desk tech job.  Most of my work is done over the phone, using my memory, reference tools and various computers at my disposal.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve had these fake techs call me up, and ask me all sorts of questions, some to the point of me walking them through what they should already know to help their customer.  Of course, the company feels it is something we should do in case they bring us business in the future.  I’m not seeing the scales in any kind of balance here.

I still learn new things all the time and I’ll never claim to be a super expert by any means.  (Evil Genius yes, expert no – sorry couldn’t resist)  I’ll be the first to admit if I don’t know something.  However, I don’t make a business out of relying on everyone else to do the work for me.  It is clear I have some colleagues that don’t share this outlook and manage to slide by.

Some of the things that come to mind that stick out in my head over the years (the shortened version, I got a little carried away at first):

  • I’ve taught an “MCSE” how to use telnet.
  • I’ve had to explain to a “A+ Certified” Tech about the extra power connector to the motherboard that CPU’s need.
  • Shown techs that have been in the biz for years, where to find Network Connections in the control panel of a Windows based OS.
  • Explaining keyboard shortcuts that should be known.
  • Explaining the importance of exact error messages.
  • Explaining that V.90 has nothing to do with video output.

The list of ridiculous things I’ve had to put up with over these “techs” is mind bending to say the least.  Yet short of a miracle, they will continue to exist.  Mostly because they always present themselves in a situation that any kind of negative verbiage in reprisal to their lack of knowledge, could potentially come back to bite you.  Well… at least they do in my line of work.  Because they can either be at one of my customers locations or are in a position to hurt my business if I refuse to help their brainless asses.

The best I can do, is either get out of the tech biz, or bite my tongue and grin.  While ranting about it here.  Also, don’t get me started on the billions of useless consultants in this world who couldn’t tell anyone the difference between a Mac and a PC, let alone give anyone a real educated opinion…

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