A Private Life

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PrivacyIt’s been a year now since I told Facebook, Google, Android and other nefarious data selling whores; to suck my giant internet cock.  I can easily say I wouldn’t change a thing.  Sure it’s a bit of work to make things happen like this, but it’s so worth it.

Granted, to be completely frank, no one should ever have to put this much work into protecting their own privacy.  It should be demanded by law that personal information is guarded with utmost care by every business online.

Average IdiotSadly that’s not the case.  Everyone who logs onto the internet by smartphone, computer, web browser, etc… consents to have their personal data collected and sold to the highest bidder and not receive a single cut of that profit for their unwitting contribution.  Does that sound like cattle who are raised for slaughter?  We don’t consult them about their feelings about the situation.  For the general populous, tech companies don’t either.  They just take your data and make a profit.  You just willingly share your info with the diluted illusion you have nothing to hide.  People just go with it because TikTok is fun.  Well, not for me, but millions of others.  And being trendy is super cool!

I’m not getting paid, so I’m not going to play.  I choose what I share, I see what I want and the big tech world doesn’t know the wiser.  If I had to say how protected I am though, it’s only about 95%.  Sadly credit cards leave traces, even the beloved Apple iPhone does too.  Just not nearly extent an Android does.  I use my VPN on it too.  I VPN everything that connects to the internet that I own.

Though oddly when you have a secure browser, a VPN, private email, secure messaging, get a phone that doesn’t completely fuck you over and dump all those damned social media sites; you can relax.  Breathe easy.  But what about your precious entertainment?  How will you waste hours upon hours, sitting on your ass getting fatter and laughing while choking down more Taco Bell?  If that’s your bag, whatever.  Me?  I’ll learn something.  Or if I must have social interaction, visit friends and family.  Talk on the phone.  Or if you must, there are other social medias out there that won’t fuck your data over, but honestly get up and do something you lazy fucks.  Seriously though, if you don’t make an account with YouTube or TikTok and just enjoy the content, you can do so with a VPN and they are none-the-wiser.  You can still share the links.

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I Can’t Do It…

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JenniferI tried.  I honestly tried.  I can’t do it though.  It’s not me.  I wanted to become part of the MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way) movement.  I know I  could be asking for trouble by not adhering to the principles.  But it’s just not in my nature to be single forever.

Dogs are cool.  Cats are OK.  They can’t snuggle the way a human can.  They can’t provide conversation, compassion, companionship and emotions like a human can.

While I have reclaimed my confidence recently, it still isn’t enough to make day to day life what I want it to be.

So yeah.  About two months ago, I went out on a date shortly after putting myself on a dating site.  She looked pretty enough.  And though I immediately found flaws, such as:

  • Offended by the word diet
  • Takes selfies to hide her physical flaws
  • Puts herself on a pedestal (no man required)

I went out on a date with her anyway.  I liked what I saw, but she didn’t like what she saw.  Despite her BMI (Body Mass Index) actually made her more overweight than myself, I quickly stepped into her shallow puddle of self worth.  She quickly rejected me and I bid her adieu the friendliest way I could muster.

It is to be noted after reading dozens and dozens of online profiles; that women in their late 30’s and beyond can be insanely picky.  The man must be in most cases:

  • Have a professional job
  • Have all his own teeth
  • Have his own house
  • Must be in good health
  • Must be willing to take care of her children (who are only 10 years old and she is in her late 40s)

Yeah no.  I’ve seen this before.  They want a trophy husband who looks good on her arm, but is the live-in babysitter while she spends his money.  They need to look in the mirror and at their life choices.  Trying to sell themselves as a showroom worthy prize.  When the reality is they have more miles than a salvage yard clunker.

Thus making it harder to find the diamond in the rough.  One who is level headed, and has more class in her average life than that of a housewife living in The Hamptons.

Hopefully I have found one.  Her name is Jennifer and we’ve been dating just under 2 weeks now and she seems to fulfill my own desires in a partner.  She’s cute, smart and funny as hell.  Sweet and very kind.  Seems to have a level head and a huge heart.  It’s early but looks good.  Hopefully she feels the same 😀

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Keto End Game

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Keto End GameSo people and their pessimism of anyone else succeeding at something is never ending.  Inevitably, I’m starting to get people coming up to me and telling me what I’m doing is great, but that I can never get off Keto or I’ll just get fat again.

I suppose it could be looked at in this light.  However, I don’t totally agree.  Instead, I don’t think most of us don’t eat like we should in the first place.  Things like pizza, pasta and bread are eaten way too frequently.

Having experienced weight loss this significant, it makes me think, at least for me; I eat all the wrong way.

Instead of buying 10 pounds of potatoes, and trying to make sure I make all of them into something before they go rotten is a bad idea.  It’s all starch.  Instead of buying a loaf of bread to make into a bunch of sandwiches is too much carbs.  Eating pastries and baked goods many times a week is also too much carbs.  I have customers order from us 2 – 5 times a week for Pizza.  It’s mainly bread folks!  You scrape off the toppings and there’s not that much.  The main thing is bread.  It’s no wonder people like me are fat as hell.

There are a lot of you out there that can eat anything and you won’t gain a pound.  Apparently after High School my body said, “Up yours, be a fat bastard!”.  So I must make changes to regain my fitness and will likely be on a variant of Keto forever.

So pizza for me will be more like once a month, as a treat.  Same with baked goods or sugary treats.  Bread when I go out to a restaurant for a hamburger or a place that gives you a bread basket.  Starches will be sparing at home.  Eat more steak, chicken or pork and less spaghetti.  Find pasta alternatives.  Eat Chili Texas style (no beans).  Only buy enough potatoes for one meal.  Eat those damned vegetables!  Stop being a little bitch about it and find some you can tolerate or spice up to enjoy.  It’s all doable and easy.  So is that really Keto anymore?  Or just smart eating?

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Down 70!

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Down 70 PoundsPounds that is.  You read that right!  I have lost a total of 70 pounds as of today 😀

When I started doing Cyclical Keto on June 15th of this year, I weighed 360 pounds.  The most I have ever weighed.  When I had my heart attacks I was only 310, but working in carbohydrate hell, I gained 50 more pounds.  That is until I set my mind to taking back my life.  I’ve taken back my money, my credit score, my breath and now my health.  Now I’m down to 290.  I’ve still got a long road ahead of me.

I feel so much better.  I sleep better.  I move better.

What a hell of a way for me to end the year 2020.  It may go down as the worst year in history.  For myself though, I get to say I ended it on a massive positive note!!

I’m halfway to my end goal of 220.  Though I’ll likely keep it going until I get to the weight medical professionals consider my proper weight.  Even then, I’m never going back to the old eating habits.

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Ho! Ho! Fucking Ho!

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Truck ProblemsI’ve made it no secret that Christmas and I just do not get along.  Something bad always seems to happen just before the holiday making it suck rotten eggs.

In years past it was money problems making me skip gift giving or traveling to family.  Employment issues.  Before that, it was long term relationships coming to an end.  Though this year, of all oddities; COVID-19 has actually made my life better.  At least, monetarily.  I have no relationship to lose.  Which has actually helped keep me doing well.  Imagine that.  Of course I’d rather not have to deal with all the complete over the top bullshit that is the Plandemic.  Hey Facebook, you can’t fake fact-check me here bitches!! 🖕

Anyway… my beloved truck, seems to be having issues that cause driving it to be nerve-racking.  About a month or so ago, my truck will drive like a dream as it always has.  However, when stopping, the truck starts bouncing.  Sometimes very mildly.  Sometimes violently.  But my truck is my job.  Just before this started, I had new front brakes put on.  Worked fine for a few weeks.  Once the problem started, I have:

  • Installed new tie rods
  • New tires all the way around
  • New wheel bearings
  • Of course an alignment

Nothing has changed.  It still has issues.  I’m taking it back to the mechanic on the 21st.  I have to worry about my truck lasting.  I have just over 2 years to pay it off.  And how much it’s going to cost to finally fix it.  Of course, I have a limit.  It may end up where I just drive it until it dies and then park it while adding a cheap alternative car that I’m so used to having.  😑

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Why is Buying a House So Hard?

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HouseWant to buy a car?  Got a job?  No Problem!

Want to buy furniture?  Got a job?  No Problem!

Want to buy a house?  Got a job?  Got time to fill out 38 pages of application?  Got outstanding credit?  Got months on end to wait for approval?  Well… we’ll see if we can help you.

I’ve been in this “apartment”, for 3 fucking years now.  Every avenue I try to buy a house, has been fraught with frustration.  Since I’ve been trying to buy a house, I’ve damn near paid off 2 cars.

On top of that, nothing fits my desires on finding a house.  My criteria is as follows:

  • Must be able to make noise without driving neighbors mad
  • Must be able to get good internet (not satellite, 4K or dialup options)
  • Some property would be nice for shooting a gun safely
  • I hate hardwood flooring – would be nice if it was mostly carpeted (and no I don’t want to spend time and money redoing the whole house)
  • Room for myself, a roommate/relative or other and my musical equipment (3 bedroom / 2 bath preferred)

You can buy anything else by walking into a building filling out 2 – 5 pages of application and have what you want before you leave.  Buying a house is insanely painful and complicated.  You’d think by now we’d have options to get a home like buying anything else.  It’s twice as hard if you are single it seems.  When I was married it was slightly less painful in obtaining.  I’ve owned 2 houses in my lifetime.  Sadly both times I wished I was renting.  Having to pay out the nose for repairs is painful at best.

You should be able to walk into a real-estate office and be approved for x number of homes and make a choice and move in within a day or two.  Or come back when they have more choices.  Just like a car lot or furniture store.

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I WON!!

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Denny BassIt’s partially very exciting and also not so exciting.  Still winning is winning right?  What the hell am I talking about?  I won a contest I entered.  (Holy crap that is the worst avatar I’ve ever made….)  Guess that says a lot about how excited I am lol.  That’s not even the right guitar in the image.  Anyway.

Bass GuitarSo right after I got a Black Friday deal on a low end bass guitar (the white one my avatar is holding).  I bought a low end one as I am not sure how well I’ll take to playing it…  I entered the contest on the website and I won another bass guitar the very next week.  The brown one on the right.

As you can tell, it doesn’t fit in my desires.  (See Below)  Not sure where this love of white with black accents has come from, but I’ve managed to find amazing instruments in this color.  Well… I don’t know about the bass yet.  Also, does anyone know where I can get an acoustic guitar in white/black? Mine is sort of looking like the brown sheep of the family, though it does sound insanely amazing.

Wish I could play this good already 😯

Though supposedly the bass I bought will be decent for the price.  And if I take to it, I’ll go for something more like the rest of my quality line up of instruments.

So since I have no need (or space) for two bass guitars, I gave it to a coworker who was interested in getting a bass as well.  Merry Christmas Matt!

Matt with Bass

So thanks to Glarry Music for the guitar and I hope both Matt and myself enjoy them as much as reviewers all over YouTube have.

My Instruments

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In Disbelief

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Denny Losing WeightI look in the mirror and I see the same old me.  The same me that has looked back at myself and said, “Damn your fat and ugly.” a million times.  That’s because I’ve been really obese for years.  The last 3 or so years of my marriage was riddled with insults.  Mainly about how overweight I’ve become.  Even though my ex-wife is overweight too, but somehow that’s OK for her.  Not for me.  Since then though I’ve overheard things people say about my weight who think I can’t hear them.  Some just outright say it.  Such as one kid said, “Hey move guys!  Let the fat guy through!”.  I almost got upset, but realized his parents were to blame for that comment.

Until this past summer, I just didn’t have the motivation to really do anything about my weight.  Between injuries and crazy work schedules, I certainly didn’t want to do exercise beyond the walking I would do when I felt good enough to do it.

Then I decided to give Keto a real chance.

Like so many things; I wish I knew then, what I know now.  As of this writing, I’ve now lost 65 pounds and am officially under 300 pounds!

Yet, when I look in the mirror…  I see the same fat, ugly man I’ve become.  Like my lost weight is not real.  Like I haven’t changed at all.

But I’ve went down more than 2 pants sizes.  I had to buy a new coat as my old one was becoming a parachute in the wind.  I try to shrink my shirts in the dryer as they are too big now.  So it must be real, there are real changes happening.  I just wish I could see them in the reflection.  And in my head.

I also look around at other people.  How they eat the things I used to eat regularly.  All the pizza, ice cream, sandwiches, potatoes and baked goods.  Yes, they are all delicious but in the quantities I have consumed and others currently consume, it’s no wonder there are so many of me in this country.

Sadly carbs are easy to come by.  They are cheap and plentiful.  Not to mention they are easily marked up and are still affordable.  We gobble them up.  Now when I look at the way I used to eat, I can’t possibly go back to it.  Even when I get to my goal weight.  I won’t stop what I’m doing.  I may modify it a little.  Right now I eat one cheat meal a week with anything I like.  Because lets face it, you need some carbs.  In small doses.  Once I get down to where I want to be, I’ll go with two cheat meals a week.  But yeah, foods like pizza, baked goods, cereals and such should be treats, not staple foods.

I’ve still got a good year or so to go before I hit my goal.  But I’m not going back to my old ways once I get there.  I’m more than thrilled when I get on the scale and see my progress.

I just wish I could be more happy with my reflection in the mirror.  I feel like nothing is happening.  Or… even if I do become skinny again, I’ll always be ugly and not the handsome young man I once was…

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Un-Fucking-Comfortable!

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Denny ScaredI swear something about me attracts the most horrifically stupid people on the planet.  They gravitate to me.  They have all my life.

It’s not hard to figure out where I work if you’re my neighbor.  Well, for some it does take a few hints and reading the shirts I have to wear.

Today, the neighbor next door came knocking and asked if I worked today.  Wearing my work shirt, I said yes.  He proceeded with the following:

When you go on your next run, bring me back a couple of pizzas.

“I’m not working yet, hence no pants (pointed to the fact I’m not fully dressed yet).  Plus that’s not how it works.  You need to call and order food.  I can’t just bring back random food.  Even I have to pay for what I get.”

Oh I can pay.  (Shows me his wallet)

“OK, do you need a menu?”

No.

I said goodbye and closed the door.  What would make anyone think that I can just grab food and deliver it to them?

Dumasaphobia Shirts

Just sayin’

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Making Work Friends

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Making Work FriendsIt’s been 3 years now since I left Widomaker in favor of having a local full time job.  Mostly out of guilt, as my employer in Virginia paid all sorts of money on my behalf to keep me employed with the company.  While insanely generous, it was also based on my doctor telling me I was heading for the grave several years ago.  Instead, I’m still kicking and feeling pretty decent despite all my handicaps and weight issues.

Here’s the thing though.  Since I left Virginia to come to Michigan, I’ve had the worst time making friends.  Hell even reconnecting with old friends here has been nothing short of a shit-show.  Of course, I immediately think I’m the problem in this scenario.  I’m the common denominator.  Yet…  I still talk to the Widomaker friends I have been with for 14 years and we have a good time.  We never miss wishing each other happiness on birthdays, holidays and so on.  We buy each other coffee long distance.  The loved ones I had in Virginia still love me.  They still wish I was there with them instead of being so far away.

Here in Michigan, I haven’t had much luck.  I’ve had a few part time jobs prior to the full time job I’ve have now.  None of which could I make a real friend.  Every single time I think I’ve made a friend, they find a way to throw me under the bus at work for something.  Some have screwed me over outside of work.  Every time I confide in them, they betray me.  Then they come back to me like nothing happened.  This last time, I swear to God I felt like Peter being told my coversheet on my TPS reports were missing.  I got in trouble by 5 different people in a 10 minute span!

I can’t trust anyone.  It’s bad enough my first rule for being me is, TRUST NO ONE!!  But damn if I only I could.  It would be nice to confide in someone or talk to them without fearing it is somehow going to bite me in the ass.

So if I’m liked/loved by people in Virginia, but not in Michigan.  I have to wonder if it’s the region in which I live.  Perhaps being in the belt-buckle of snow has made people bitter and cold hearted.  Maybe I don’t belong here.

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