The new year is almost upon us. The Mayan Apocalypse, just like so many “end of the world” threats before it, was nothing more than media hype as always. I think at one point or another, I just stopped caring if the world would’ve ended on the 21st. Well… That was a few months ago I felt that way. I don’t feel that way now.
The past two years have been a hellacious torment in one form or another. Between my marriage falling apart, being unhappy where I live, nearly dying and struggling constantly to keep my head above water has taken it’s toll on my soul. Having nearly no friends in the area, it has felt like I’ve been isolated from everything and everyone. It’s been very cold for having to live in this personal hell of mine.
If it weren’t for my oldest daughter’s kindness and my mother, I don’t honestly know where I would be right now. If I would be at all. Granted, my current situation isn’t by any means pleasant. It is bearable at least.
It’s time to put that all behind me now and look to the future. While the number 13 isn’t usually anyone’s lucky number. I’m going to make it my lucky number. I’ve worked damned hard to get myself back together over the past 10 months. I’m exercising regularly and even though I constantly live in a small amount of pain and discomfort, I will continue to get better. I sadly did not make my goal by Christmas of being under 300 pounds, but I’m damned close. I will be under it soon. I wish to get to 220 as a final goal and even then, I won’t stop walking and keeping active. I plan to live for at least 10 more years if I can swing it. More if possible.
2013 is also the year I’m going home to Michigan. Perhaps not my home town, but at least close by. My sons live in East Jordan, so somewhere near there with a job. Perhaps Charlevoix or Petoskey, maybe even Boyne City or Boyne Falls area. All are very close and I know them well. My friends who live there as well as my family are waiting for me. I’m way past due for this. I won’t forget the family I have here, even though I’m no longer a part of the marriage that made them my family. In my heart they will always be family no matter what. Nor will I forget my one and only friend who lives here and has also been my Chiropractor for many years.
I also have a love interest that I’ve been working on for the past few months. I’m hoping it will turn into something official soon. More on that to come later
Sadly, since I still have a lot of time on my hands, I haven’t given up my gaming addiction completely, and I may never actually do so as I enjoy it. However, I have cut way down on the amount of time I spend killing dragons. I tried to give up World of Warcraft, I just can’t. I enjoy it too much. Even if there’s freaking panda bears everywhere…. I can sum it up in two words. FLYING MOUNTS!!!
I officially restarted my account on Christmas Day. I was just so freaking bored sitting at home. Minecraft is cool and all, but I’ve gotta have my flying mounts and I love my Azeroth. I just limit myself to an hour or two a day. It’s enough to get a few things accomplished. Then it’s back to the real world
One final note, as per usual, I have created a new look to my website for the new year. It’s a bit dark. It sort of represents my travels through the darkness these past two years. While it’s now time to step back into the light, I just have a thing for Black and Gold. If you can’t see the new site, because you are on your mobile, set your browser to ask for the Desktop version. (just don’t forget to set it back when you’re done admiring )
Those are words you might hear me say just about every day. I’m a horribly nostalgic person. It even annoys me that I say it so much. Though I just can’t help but to want to relive some of the best times in my life over again. That and I had to find a reason to show off my love of Doctor Who. Although a TARDIS wouldn’t allow me become younger again….
I could easily relive the decade of the 1980‘s all over again. However, today I find myself only wanting to go back to just a few years ago. I’m feeling the need to enjoy the company, friendship and good times of when myself and all my new found gamer friends came together. (Nick, Paul, Adele, Tyler, Aura, Tuvi, Charles, Jeff and Peter to name a few.)
We started in a game was called Last Chaos. Even though it wasn’t really much of an MMO by anyone’s standards as far as game play goes. When we started playing it, it had no dungeons, no instances, crap character selection and horrible glitches. Plus it was the most god awful micropayment ripoff setup in the world. Yet we had some of the best times of our lives.
We didn’t care much about the flaws. We had our friends. Spanning from the Mid West, to Texas east and west coasts of the country and several friends from the U.K. It was a time when we were eager to get home from work and log on to spend time with them. Didn’t matter what we did. Even if we decided to do nothing at all and just hang around the PVP arena all evening. When we managed to get to what seems like end content at the time. Demon parties, Ghost parties (references only a Last Chaos player from the original days [before they fucked up the game play completely] would recognize) to the endless drama filled Castle Sieges and parties down in Theos’ Tomb. The Guild events we’d come up with, the laughs, the times of seeing just how much trouble we could cause just because we had nothing better to do. We even hosted protests against the “Game Masters” just to piss them off. We could’ve received the good old perma-ban for it too. We didn’t care at all, because no matter what, we had each other.
It only lasted a couple of years. From there we started to part ways. Some friends went on to games I didn’t much care for, but at least I tried them out. Others friends, I stuck with tightly through Runes of Magic (until they too became greedy bastards) and World of Warcraft with right up until everything fell apart in my world. I still talk to all of them. Not as much as I’d like too. Either through Skype, IM, Email, Text and sometimes I still get on Vent.
Even though the end was a painful experience, I wish I could go back and do it again. I miss you guys…
I haven’t written about this in a while. My posts have been mostly focused on life events, my usual rants, future plans and reminiscing. I assure you, I’m still doing my daily walks. I am actively loosing weight and I’m happy to report I am 30% of my over all goal closer.
I’m going to post here what I’ve been hiding as it was embarrassing. Still is, but dammit, I think it will only drive me harder to be this much more honest. If to anyone, to myself.
When I started walking, I was an embarrassingly fat man who was on the scales for 360 pounds. As of yesterday I am now down to 318lbs. I’m not done, and I’m not nearly close to my target weight. My short term goal is to be under 300 come Christmas.
I’m not doing 3 miles a day like I was doing. For some reason, since my 3 heart attacks in February, I’ve only gotten up to 2 miles a day. Not sure if it was the high blood pressure that had me going further or if I have just been weakened that much. True, I unfortunately put on some weight after the hospital stay as I could hardly walk down the drive way. (It’s roughly 1/5th of a mile long.) Now I am back on track and feeling better than ever. In so much, that I took on a second job slinging pizzas for Dominos to help save up to move next spring to Michigan. It’s not because of their pizza. Haven’t been a fan of their stuff in many years. Some of it is down right unhealthy. (it’s coming and it’s scary bad for you)
Besides walking, I’ve also done the following and it’s helped out greatly (the only exceptions I allow myself is when I go out to eat):
I’ve tried some of the fake foods like imitation eggs and such, but they literally turn my stomach. Sometimes it’s hard to go walking when it’s 100 degrees outside or really cold out. Those days I just keep myself as busy as possible. I still love my relaxing down time too, just don’t allow myself as much as I once did. What makes me the most happy, is I haven’t resorted to surgery or special diet plans by someone named Jenny, Jerad or Vinnie or who the hell ever.
Sorry I haven’t been around the past few weeks. I feel bad about it, but I have things that are keeping me from playing these days. I’ve started working a second job again, now that I have wheels. Saving up to go home as you may have already read.
It’s not only that. I just don’t feel like sitting in front of a PC for hours on end like I used too. I’m actually getting out and about. I’m now below the weight I was just before my heart attacks. Which is making me want to do more. So when I’m not working, I’m out walking. I don’t even like sitting at my desk at work all day anymore. I’d rather be up and moving. It’s a good feeling that I’m finally getting some of my old life back. I doubt I’ll ever get into 29 inch pants again. I however, hope to only have to shop at the Big & Tall stores someday because I’ll just be tall.
Plus with all that I’ve been through, I look back and think I really wasted time I could’ve used to do what I’m doing now. Instead I feel like I threw the last 5 years of my life away. I’ve made good friends like you, but I could’ve spent that time perhaps avoiding this past February, or this past year of crappy events all together. Should’ve dealt with it all years ago.
I do plan on sitting down on occasion and chatting via vent with you all. I’m not so sure I’ll be doing any MMO gaming for a while though. Seems I can hardly sit through a 10 minute Unreal Tournament match. All of you are welcome to email me, text or call me anytime you like You can even (God forbid), add me on Facebook.
Being single sucks. While I don’t wish to define myself based off of who I share my time with. I simply don’t like being alone. You see, I moved from my home town in Michigan to here in Virginia to take a job at Gateway in 1999. Though it was motivated heavily by the fact that I had started a relationship with someone I knew here as well. A few months later, we got married. However, I made one major mistake during the past 13 years. It was that I came home to the wife and kids every night. I was content with it. Though, I never made any friends in the area by doing so.
This also makes doing things that I love to do, no fun at all. I’d so much rather share doing the things I love with someone. Even if just a friend. Though most of the things I love doing, generally are much better when it’s romantically shared on some level or other.
I’m a huge movie buff. While I do enjoy sitting down and snuggling up on the couch to watch a favorite flick. I tend to enjoy going out to the movie theater. I love the atmosphere, the smell of the popcorn and sometimes the reaction of the other goers when something exciting or scary happens. I especially love to hold someone’s hand, or depending on the theater, give them a leg or even a foot massage under the table (love me the Movie Tavern setup for being able to do that).
I don’t even let it bother me that going out for a movie is rather expensive. To me, it’s worth it. This past summer I’ve skipped watching anything new just because I have no one to go with. Sadly, my job puts me in a position where I have no real interaction with people except over the phone. The company I work for is very small. The only pseudo friend I had there, has moved on. All my other friends live in different parts of the world (Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Kansas, Ohio, New York, England and so on). So they can’t go either.
Starting over, just sucks.
If your life could have a reboot button, like the one in this Foamy Cartoon, would you use it?
Many, many times I have sat and wished I had done things differently. Taken better care of my health, made different choices concerning relationships, career choices and many, many more. In short would I use a reboot button? Hell Yeah!
So Thursday came and went. Like so many days and nights lately, I’ve had little better to do. God that sounds depressing. It’s not really, but things are in flux in my life. My relationship is ending but with so many things still hanging with no resolution, we both are staying in the same house until they can be resolved or at least put into a decent perspective.
Thus I’m not in a position to go out and spend money to have a drink. I certainly am not in the mood to meet anyone for more than friendship right now. So with that budget in mind, I am hanging close to home and doing what I can to fill the time. So with WoW I shall stay for a bit. It’s much cheaper than going out and while most of my online friends are out doing summer things with their family and friends, this leaves me to chill. I’ve been calling my sons a bit lately and hanging out with my Mom from time to time.
Besides, I’m still very much loving WoW and have finally built my first major Engineering piece on my Mage (Hythlodaeus). As pictured, his very first Flying Machine! Sadly he’s only level 55, so he can’t use it yet.
Having watched the final Harry Potter movie last night, is sort of a magical closing to not only the story but to things in real life as well. Sad on all accounts really. From 2001 when we saw a frightened, wirery little boy who learned how and why he was left in a severely messed up situation to last night when he had to be the man that no one wanted to be to finalize his life long battle…. We watched Harry, Hermione and Ron grow up. Ten years. Ten years of my life following a fantastic movie series. Now it’s over. Of course, no sooner do we get in the car and my daughter starts on about how it’s “Not like the book!“. This is where I wanted to act out a scene in Tangled using a cast iron frying pan against the offending cranium. Alas, I had to pronounce very slowly to her “adaptation” and urged her to Google it on her Nook.
As for the series of Harry Potter. I have always been amazed they could keep the movies so interesting and frankly I think Alan Rickman‘s performance as Severus Snape was absolutely brilliant. Not too mention the performances from all the others as well who portrayed teachers, students and of course main characters. Always believable and always on character. Oh god.. I’m sounding like some amateur movie reviewer.. sorry…
Recent events in my life are also coming to a close as well. As stated before there has been some realizations that things at home aren’t so peachy. After discussions it is best that this also must come to an end. Odd timing don’t ya think?
But what do I do now? I don’t have any new movie series to thrill me. The last two series I followed with eager anticipation are both over. Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean. Sadly Hollywood is pumping out crap movies as if they were cheap chips at the pub. I’m sure I’ll find something to watch on the big screen soon. As well as someone to watch them with. I hope….
And I said I’d never use Word Problems in real life…
OK, when I started telling my friends that I have begun to exercise by walking around the local mall, they wanted to know how far that is. I was befuddled, because I had no earthly answer. The mall isn’t square by any means. As well, I walk on the outside sidewalk that surrounds the building.
I don’t have a Surveyor’s Wheel to measure it with. Some suggest I use an online map and measure it using the distance legend on the side but that would be hard to do as the shape of the building is odd. As seen by this satellite image from Google Maps.
However, today I gave it serious thought as I walked around the building. I could use time/speed as a way to tell me how far I walk every day. Here’s how I worked it out:
According to Wikipedia, the average human walks 3.1 Miles Per Hour. I being tall, and always have had a history of walking faster than people around me. Also I had to consider that I likely walk slower now due to age and excess baggage around the mid section… I shall simply say I walk around three miles per hour.
The time it takes for me to complete one lap around the building is averaging at 1o minutes. Thus, it takes me a total of 40 minutes to complete my walk. Given the total is 2/3 of an hour, it can be easily figured out that I walk 2 miles a day. Not bad.
What I find odd is that 2 miles sounds more impressive than 4 laps. I guess because up until today, no one knew that each lap was ½ a mile long.
Granted, it’s still going to take a lot of these walks to start seeing any real improvement. It’s good to know how far I go and how far I progress with these walks. Which also gives me some goals I can set, as well as realize what kind of time I want to set aside each day for this activity.
And for my
British European mates, I walk 4.828032 Kilometers per Hour for a total distance of 3.21868 Kilometers Traveled.
Now I’m going to take an Advil, my head hurts.
Forty one is not the ideal age in which you realize exactly who you are. That’s how old I am. Sadly. I’ve never really had a solid footing on who I wanted to be and how I wanted my life to turn out. Until now that is.
Unfortunately now is a bit too late. My health isn’t great, I’m in a position that doesn’t afford me to bring home the quality bacon if you see my drift. I’m self taught at my profession. While I can run circles around most of the people in my industry, they have college degrees and certificates. Which is all any Human Resources is concerned about these days. It’s not like when I worked for Gateway and got paid for my level of true skill. But then the American Populous wanted cheaper computers, so outsourcing ended me where I am today.
Though it’s not only my profession, it’s the friends I chose, the relationships I’ve had, the raising of my children and so much more. I wish my life could have a “do over” so I can make the right choices, prevent health issues, and become a bit more of a success all around.
You could say “it’s not too late”. But frankly, there’s not a lot of time left for me. What I have is good. Though if I had the had the chance, I would jump at it. As long as I can take the basic knowledge of what I want to change about me.
This article is not an advertisement for Gateway. The author does not like Gateway products dated after 2000.