Just moments ago, I opened the white box, and gently removed the brushed aluminum unibody of my MacBookPro. With curious wonder I lifted the lid and pressed the enticing power button. A white light shined upon me with the sounds of digital angels cried out in happy accord.
It’s like all my sins have been forgiven. The weight of life’s burdens have been lifted from my shoulders. I now understand and comprehend the astral celestial enlightenment that is the holiness of Mac ownership.
From this day fourth, I shall no longer consume fattening fast food. Only Panera‘s, Bonefish Grill‘s and other prestigious chef driven establishments shall caress my palate. Starbucks, Tropical Smoothie Cafe‘s and expensive wines are the only beverages I shall ever seek to enjoy to quench my thirst for this new heavenly lifestyle.
All public places I go, will have open free Wi-Fi where I and my Mac can proudly be seen together in perfect harmony. Where we together shall check over my growing stock options on the open trades of the world. Read CNN, the Washington Post and check in on all the hottest social websites while I synchronize my iPhone. And people will immediately recognize and respect me because they know I am better than those foolish souls who failed to grasp the omnipotence that is Mac ownership.
I suddenly understand without knowing why, that all PC users are losers and should be swept from this earth along with all their horrible internet infecting viruses. PC users are the viruses. This world shall not obtain perfection until they are long extinct for our motherly planet. Then yay truly the heavens can bless us with Steve’s love.
Once everyone is using Mac’s the world can then become the heaven that has been promised to us for so long. Rainforests will heal and flourish. Natural disasters will cease. All men will become handsome, rich and sensitive. All women will become attractive, sensuous and intelligent. The ozone layer will recover and all the worlds pollution shall vanish into usable energy and fuel.
I shall go forth at once and trade my Kia in for an energy efficient Prius as suddenly I see clearly now that I wish to no longer to grow old and die of natural causes. But to die doing 90 on the highway in an uncontrollable automobile while colliding head on with family filled minivan.
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